Say Goodnight, Not Goodbye
by Tirya King
Summary: With Sirius finally cleared, Harry is able to move in with his godfather. But life seems to be too good to be true: Sirius is soon declared dead and Harry is ripped away from his whole world.
1. The Changing of the Guard

Title:  Say Goodnight, Not Goodbye By:  Tirya King Email:  Tirya56@hotmail.com Category:  Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Adventure Rating:  PG-PG13 for abuse violence, very minor language and much angst. Spoilers:  Not really unless you haven't read the books yet. Feedback:  Of course! Archive:  As long as you tell me where it's going, you may put it where you wish! Time Frame: Starts in the summer before Harry's 5th year. 

Summary:  With Sirius cleared of all charges, Harry is finally able to move in with his godfather.  But when life seems to be too good to be true, Sirius is declared dead and Harry is ripped away from everything he knows.  Alone and with no one to rely on but himself, can Harry find the strength he needs to survive? AU from book 5 on.

Disclaimer:  JK Rowling owns the books, I own Javen Derios, Say Goodnight Not Goodbye belongs to Beth Neilsen-Chapman (beautiful song, by the way).  Suing me is rather pointless since all you'll get is some lint and a piece of mint gum.

Author Notes: I had posted this story before, but it was removed for reasons that are still unknown to me.  I have a feeling that they think I committed plagiarism against another writer.  I was not allowed to defend myself before it was taken down, so I will defend myself now.  For those of you who feel that it is your God-given duty to flame me, first ask me incase you are mistaken.  I have spoken to the author in question and I have complete permission to base my story off of hers.  I have changed it so only the ideas remain.  I am further editing it from its previous copy so as not to offend anyone else.  I do not wish to be mean, but I would like to be approached at least before being punished.  Usually, there is a reasonable explanation for any action I have taken.  Just because I do not go around shouting all of my personal correspondences to you does not mean that I have not covered all of the appropriate bases.  For those of you who have approached me in a mature and friendly manner, I thank you profusely for your understanding and I am glad that I have removed your doubts and fears.

Without further ado or ranting, here it is!  My first attempt at HP fanfiction.  Enjoy and please review!  Every 50th reviewer gets a chapter/story designed/dedicated by/for them.  Did that make any sense…?  Oh well…

Say Goodnight, Not Goodbye Part 1: Changing of the Guard 

"…And I want it made clear that forever more, Sirius Black is officially pardoned of all crimes he was convicted of.  Furthermore, he is awarded the Order of Merlin, First Class for his efforts in bringing the true criminal to our attention.  With his help, I believe that Peter Pettigrew will be found soon and tried for his crimes.  In response to his and young Potter's request, I grant him legal guardianship over Harry," Fudge paused from his speech to glance down at Sirius and Harry, "Congratulations."

Sirius hadn't stopped beaming since the Minister started his speech.  All his dreams were finally coming true.  He was a free man, awarded the Order of Merlin no less, and legally able to watch over Harry as he had been doing for nearly a year now.  He could now take Harry away from those horrible Muggles at last!

He wrapped an arm around the boy's shoulder loosely, but with no less affection.  Harry, he noticed, was grinning at the news.  He turned to Sirius, his bright green eyes shining.

"When can I move in?" he asked.  Sirius remembered a time when he had been asked that same question little over a year ago.  Back then, his future did not seem so certain although hopes were high.  Hopes that came crashing down on top of him with the escape of Wormtail.  Now, his hopes had finally prevailed…he could only imagine the look on James and Lily's faces if they could have seen this.

"I need to find a place first.  Would you be all right at the Dursley's for a week or two while I get things straightened out?  I'll come and get you when it's time."

Harry thought it over a moment.  He frowned at the thought of returning to his uncle's home again.  Sirius smiled at the boy, "I want you to come with me now too.  But I want you be where I know it's safe until everything's ready.  You understand, don't you?"  Geez, he thought, I sound like a parent already.

"Of course I do," Harry said quickly, "I'll be fine at the Dursley's."

Sirius nodded.  He turned around and was met with a blinding flash of light.  He and Harry rubbed their eyes, trying to get them to work properly again.  His hand was grasped tightly by another with long fingernails.  Someone was shaking his hand roughly, nearly taking his arm off.

"Rita Skeeter, special correspondent for the Daily Prophet," a cool feminine voice said.  Sirius opened his eyes and focused on the reporter.

  
"Rita?  Didn't we go to school together?  You were in…"

"Ravenclaw, yes.  Do you suppose you could grant an old friend a bit of your time?"

Sirius saw Harry out of the corner of his eye.  He was frantically making gestures to him that easily translated themselves.  He looked back at Rita.  Wasn't she the girl who tried to scare off his official 'We-Worship-The-Quill-Sirius-Chews-On Club' by spreading the false rumor that he was gay…?  And since when was she considered an 'old friend' of his?

"Actually, Miss Skeeter," he tried diplomatically, "Harry and I were just…"

"Oh, splendid!" She beamed, "A double interview then?"

"No, Rita," Harry said, not bothering to be diplomatic, "We're busy."

She decidedly ignored the boy, "Do you feel that John and Lilac Potter would be happy that you have been given full custody over their only son?  Has your official pardon affected your feelings toward Peter any?"

"That's James and Lily, and I would rather not comment right now.  Come Harry."  Sirius tried valiantly to push his way through the growing number of reporters and cameras.  They finally exited the courthouse after being blinded by half a dozen bright lights and flashes as reporters talked quickly to their Quick-Quotes Quills.

After escaping the mob of reporters, Harry and Sirius were able to see properly enough to avoid the curious public.  At first, Sirius thought he only imagined the beautiful machine standing there in front of him.  But there it was; his old flying motorcycle parked right in front of the courthouse.  For a moment, he could barely believe it was really his.  The silver paint looked as though it had just been applied, and the gears were brand new.  He found a note pinned on the seat of the bike:

            Sirius,

                    Here's your old bike.  I kept it safe after you gave it to me.  Thought it might come in handy someday.

                             Hagrid 

Harry smiled with disbelief, "You have a motorcycle?"

"Not only that," Sirius answered with pride in his voice, "I enchanted it to fly myself."

"You are officially the coolest godfather in Britain," Harry said, unable to take his eyes off of the shining machine.  Sirius laughed.

"Thanks, I think.  You wanna have a go on it?"

"Could we really?"

"Of course.  Hop on."  He conjured Harry a helmet and put one on himself.  Sirius sat in the front, every nerve cell in his body tingling with the excitement of a 5-year old on Christmas.  He never knew how much he missed it until then.  He ran his hands lovingly over the handles and knobs he installed himself.  Harry was James' baby…this motorcycle was his.

Harry climbed up behind Sirius with mixed emotions.  Last time he rode in a flying vehicle that should otherwise stay on the ground, he ended up flying into the Whomping Willow headfirst.  

"Hang on," Sirius yelled over the sound of the engine.  With the press of a button, the motorcycle launched itself into the air.  Harry wrapped his arms around Sirius' waist so he wouldn't be knocked off.

"Sirius," he said as they rose above the clouds, "I've had dreams about this.  It's like I've been here before."

"Those weren't dreams," Sirius said, "When you were little I used to take you flying all the time.  Your mother hated it."  It no longer hurt to talk about the past, for everything was all right between Sirius and Harry now.

"Why did Hagrid have it?"

Sirius took a deep breath.  Perhaps the past could still hurt a bit.  "When Voldemort attacked you, I was the first to arrive.  I was going to take you with me, but Hagrid came on Dumbledore's orders to bring you to the Dursley's.  I had no choice," Sirius had to steady his voice before continuing.  "I told him that if I could not have you…then he could take my motorcycle so you would get there quicker.  I wouldn't need it again.  I had to find Peter…"

Harry said nothing at this, but Sirius felt the boy give him a tight squeeze around his waist where he held on.   The boy did not know the finer points of the story, and Sirius decided that he would not tell him until he was older.  How could he be the one to tell Harry about how much it could still torment him with the sight of the dead body of his best friend in the ruin of his home, wand still in hand?  And the panic and despair that gripped his heart at the sight of a melted, charred bassinette next to the crumpled form of Lily.  No, he thought, it was better not to tell.  Everything was fine now; why bring that up?

"We're here," he announced, his voice recovering.  Harry lifted his head.  They were parked in front of 4 Privet Drive already.  Harry removed his helmet and stood up.  Sirius turned to Harry.

"Don't tell them yet," he said, a mischievous smile appearing on his face, "I want to surprise them when I come."

"All right," Harry said, putting the helmet into a compartment, "I can't wait to see their faces when an ex-convict shows up to take me away."  

Sirius nodded, "Remember, if they give you any trouble, let me know.  No one can pick on my godson but me."

"Will do, Sirius.  Bye!"  He stood back as Sirius revved up the engine.  Waving, Sirius pressed the 'flight' button and circled his motorcycle around the Dursley's lamppost and roared into the open sky.  Harry stood outside and watched his godfather until he disappeared from view.  He smiled to himself and turned toward the front door.  Neither Dudley's tantrums nor Aunt Petunia's shrieking could spoil his day.   For one of the first times in his life, Harry could step back and say life was perfect.  

He sighed and stepped up to the door, visions of flying motorcycles still fresh in his mind.  When he opened the door, it was as loud as he remembered it.  Dudley was apparently put out that he couldn't have both a boat and a dog.  He was currently whining in the kitchen as he ate lunch.

Uncle Vernon looked up from his newspaper as Aunt Petunia stood there with tears in her eyes as she pleaded with her son.  He frowned when he saw Harry.

"Still alive, are you boy?"  He asked.  Harry shrugged and nodded.  It was the usual greeting at the Dursley household reserved only for him.

"Where have you been?" demanded Aunt Petunia, her fight with Dudley over for the moment.  He was stuffing his face then, apparently exhausted from the exertion of talking.

"Out," Harry said, "Sirius wanted a word."

This did it.  Whenever mention of Harry's godfather came up, the Dursely's would simultaneously look as though they had to be sick.  Dudley choked on his fourth helping of pie and Aunt Petunia dropped her plate.  Uncle Vernon stared at Harry who managed to keep a straight face.

"You…you've been seeing him, have you?"  He asked.

"Yeah.  He just wanted to make sure everything was all right."

He tried not to smile as Uncle Vernon's panicked look increased.  They only allowed Harry to have contact with his godfather because they were afraid he would come and kill them in their beds if they didn't.

"We've been treating you ruddy good," Uncle Vernon choked out, "We…"

"Yeah, I know," Harry said, "I told him everything was fine."

His uncle's face relaxed slightly as did his aunt's.  His cousin's however was still pale and sickly.  He seemed to be mentally reliving the ordeal with the pig tail nearly five years.

"I'll be upstairs," he said, not wanting them to ruin his day.  Before they could say another word, he ran upstairs to his room…the only place in the house where he could have a bit of privacy.

In less than an hour, he was packed and ready to go.  He only kept out what he needed so when Sirius came, he would not have to scramble at the last minute.  He hoped his godfather would hurry and find a place for them.  As long as he could be with someone who cared about him, Harry didn't care if Sirius bought a cardboard box.  Anything was better than life with the Dursleys.

The days went by slowly for Harry.  Even slower than when he was waiting for school to start.  Every morning, he would lay in bed straining to hear the sound of a motorcycle roaring into the driveway.  But every morning for almost three weeks, he was disappointed to hear nothing but Hedwig's hungry squawks.  

It was seven weeks until school started and no word from Sirius.  That Sunday morning, Harry rolled out of bed, groaning.  He could hear his cousin whining considerably louder than usual; it would definitely be a long day.

"Now, Dudders," pleaded Aunt Petunia, near tears, "You know you can't just pick up some dog off the street.  Look at him.  He's probably got fleas and he'll shed everywhere.  Maybe later we can go out and find you a nice goldfish."

"I don't want a goldfish!" yelled Dudley, "I want a dog!  Harry has an owl…"

"Now, Dudders," Uncle Vernon soothed, trying to reason with him, "Harry's…abnormal.  And really.  This dog is no good.  I say we bring him to the pound so they can destroy it.  No one wants strays clogging the streets."

"But I want him!"  Dudley wailed.  Harry decided to come down the stairs to see what the fuss about a dog was all about.  His eyes widened when he saw the animal.  He knew that big shaggy dog anywhere.  He decided to play along for the time being.

"Uncle Vernon's right, Dudley," he said managing to keep a straight face, "It is kinda shabby.  Probably covered with fleas."

The dog, who had Dudley's chubby arms wrapped around his neck, glared at Harry and gave an indignant grunt.  Harry couldn't help but grin.  That's what he got for leaving him here for so long.

"You stay out of it, boy," snarled Aunt Petunia, "Go upstairs."

Harry shook his head, "No, I don't think I will, thanks."

Uncle Vernon turned on Harry, "You'll do as you're told, boy, or I'll box your ears so hard…"

Harry took a step back.  He had entered dangerous waters.  Time to use the fail-safe phrase.

"Alright, but my godfather…"

"I'll bet you haven't got a godfather!" exclaimed Dudley; his arms still around the dog's neck as though it would run away the first chance it got.

"I do too," shot back Harry, "And he's…"

"Then why haven't we heard from him ourselves?" demanded Uncle Vernon, "For a man so concerned with your safety, he sure is a silent bloke.  Not one letter."

"But…"

"No more lies, boy!  I have a right mind to take that ruddy wand of yours and…"

"Please, Dursley," a soft voice said behind him, "We'll have none of that."

Dudley shrieked out in terror and quite literally flew 20 feet, his hand underneath his large bottom.  Uncle Vernon swung around and found himself face to face with a tall handsome man rubbing his sore neck where Dudley had nearly choked him.

"Wh-who are you?!"  Aunt Petunia gasped, stepping back.  Sirius bowed mockingly to her.

"Sirius Black at your service, Mam," he said, still rubbing his neck, "Your son has quite a grip."

"Get out my house, Black!" shouted Uncle Vernon, some of his anger returning, "I'll call the police…"

Sirius just stared at him a moment as if trying to decide if he was joking or not.  His fake joviality did not leave him.  He was obviously annoyed out of his mind.  Turning to Harry he asked, "Got your things?"

"Been packed for ages, Sirius," Harry said lightly, "What took you so long?"

"Had to get a few things in order.  You alright?"

"Yeah, fine."

"Let's go then."

"Where are you taking him?" demanded Uncle Vernon.  
  


"Away from you, if you don't mind."  He said this as he climbed the stairs after Harry.

"Of course we mind!" Uncle Vernon roared, "That boy is under our care.  You are not taking him out of this house!"

Sirius stopped and looked at Uncle Vernon.  This time he did not bother to hide his annoyance, "I'll tell you what I'm not doing, Dursley.  I'm not leaving my godson in your 'care' for another minute.  His parents and the Ministry entrusted him to me and I will take him.  A Muggle like you is not going to stop me."

He was up in Vernon's face then.  Aunt Petunia got between the two men before a scuffle broke out, "Take him, then.  We never wanted him."

The battle over, Harry ran upstairs and grabbed his trunk.  Everything he ever owned fit into it, so it was not so hard to pack.  He opened Hedwig's cage and let her out.

"We're leaving, Hedwig," he said excitedly, "And we're not coming back."

She hooted a sleepy reply and hopped onto his shoulder.  She obviously didn't feel like following a flying motorcycle by wing.

Sirius entered Harry's room and waved his wand, making the trunk feather-light.  He shot a glance to the doorway downstairs where the Dursleys were.

"Charming creatures, aren't they?" he asked.  Harry smiled at him.

"Wait till they get going.  This is a good day for them."

Sirius was still looking at the Muggles thoughtfully, "What did you say your aunt's name was?"

"Petunia.  She was my mum's sister."  Harry saw his godfather nod.

"Now I remember her.  During the summer holidays James would visit Lily at her house.  Sometimes I would be dragged along.  That Petunia is the most insufferable Muggle I've ever met.  James always said that she would make a perfect Slytherin.  Lily never really appreciated that, of course…"

"Black!"  Yelled Uncle Vernon from downstairs, "Are you leaving or not?!"

"Wait a moment, Dursley!"  Sirius returned.  He picked up the enchanted trunk and led the way down the stairs with Harry right behind him.  Uncle Vernon was waiting for them by the door with his wife and son in the living room.

"This is permanent then?"  He asked, stopping Sirius at the door.

"Of course."

"Then I don't want to hear from either of you again.  We did our part by keeping him alive for 13 years…"

"15," Harry corrected.

"…And if the police catch you, it's none of our concern.  Do you hear me, Black?"

"Police?"  Sirius asked, confused.

"Law enforcers," Harry supplied, "For Muggles."

"But didn't you explain to your uncle that I'm innocent?" he asked with fake reproach.  His godson shrugged.

"I guess I forgot to include that."

Sirius laughed, "And to think all this time they thought I was some mass murderer."

Uncle Vernon's eyebrows shot up, "What?!"  He looked ready to throttle the boy who had a smug smile on his face.

Sirius ignored this, "Oh well.  No harm done.  It was nice seeing you again, Petunia.  Come, Harry."

"Well, bye then," Harry said to his uncle as he followed his godfather out the door.  The Dursleys didn't say a thing; they just watched him leave.  Harry couldn't be sure who was happier that he was gone: Sirius, himself, or the Dursleys.


	2. The Manticore's Den

Part 2: The Manticore's Den

A/N: I promise that I will get to the main action soon.  I just want to put in some light-hearted scenes before everything has to get dark.  The scene with Remus and Sirius arguing about… various things is rather silly, but what can I say?  It wrote itself.  Don't ask me to tell you who is who in the argument, I have no idea myself.

Harry's eyes bulged out of their sockets when he saw the building they were approaching.  When they landed, he just sat there staring at it.  Sirius frowned at this reaction.

"I know it's not much, but…"

"Are you kidding?" Harry asked, "This is great!  Is it really yours?"

Sirius smiled in relief, "Of course.  It's rather small though, don't you think?"

Harry shook his head, taking off his helmet, "It's perfect."

The house was a little on the small side, but it was just the perfect size for two people.  It was a 100% wizard house complete with gnomes shuffling along the lawn and a stone angel guarding the doorstep and combing her hair.  Across the front of the threshold was the name of this house:  Manticore's Den.  To Harry, there was nothing better than this.  He now had a house of his own where he would be wanted, a guardian who loved him, and the promise of a new future.  Manticore's Den was perfect and he told Sirius so until the man really believed it.

Sirius showed him inside where Harry wished he had another set of eyes.  You would think that he had never seen the inside of a wizard's house.  But he couldn't get over the fact that this house was really his.  Sirius watched him explore the house with a grin on his face.  He had hoped the boy would approve.  It was all he could do with a tight budget.  He would need to get a job soon, he knew that.  His family was a wealthy one, but even his inherited wealth couldn't support two for long.  He decided he wouldn't worry about that until everything else was settled.

He showed Harry to his room, one that was a little smaller than Dudley's second room.  But considering all the room that Dudley's toys took up, Harry had more space in this bedroom.  Sirius stood at the doorway, watching as Harry went to a small box lying in the corner.  He was a bit tense, not knowing what the boy's reaction would be.

Harry opened the box and kneeled down.  Inside were posters of old and new Quidditch teams, pictures of the four Marauders, and a small snow globe among other things.  The snow globe was what caught his attention first.  The globe had a small crack in it, but it still held small miniatures of four animals playing on the meadow in front of the school as if they had no other care in the world.  He could make out a rat climbing on a deer's rack of antlers as a wolf and dog wrestled in the snow.

"Wow," he breathed staring at it, "Where did you get this, Sirius?"

Sirius let out a breath he had been holding, "Your mother loved snow globes.  The four of us wanted to give her something special for our last Christmas at Hogwarts and came up with this idea.  It was the only one that survived the attack."

Harry stared at the globe more closely.  He could see one more animal amongst the group of four.  It was a small bird, a sparrow, perched on a branch as she watched the four friends play.  He looked over at Sirius questioningly.

"No, she wasn't an Animagus," Sirius said, answering his unspoken question, "But we decided that if she were to be one, above all things, she would be a sparrow.  It just fit her personality."

Harry couldn't think of anything to say to this, so he put it down carefully and continued his investigation of the box.  There were dozens of pictures, prefect and Head Boy and Girl badges, some jewelry, random things that Sirius had managed to salvage from the wreckage before going after Peter.

"Thank you, Sirius," he said softly, knowing his words were not enough.  He hoped Sirius would get the meaning behind them.  

"You're welcome, Harry.  I wish it were more."

Harry shook his head and waved his hand at the room and box of belongings, "This is the best birthday I've had since I found out I was a wizard.  I can't believe you did this for me."

The man shrugged, "You deserve it.  It's what you should have had all along."

Harry could think of nothing to say to this, so he looked back down at a picture of Sirius' graduating Gryffindor class.  He recognized a boy that looked much like Neville, and he could pick out Lee Jordon's mother from the group.  He spotted another woman that looked suspiciously like Padma and Parvati Patil.  Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs were there as well, with his mother wrapping an arm around James' waist.  They were all laughing with pure happiness that only the best of friends can produce.  And when Harry looked at young Peter, teasing Remus playfully, he was surprised not to feel hatred toward him.  He should hate Peter; he was the reason why he had no parents.  But he looked just like another boy.  But he wasn't just another boy; he was one of his father's best friends.  He could see no sign of the evil, traitorous Wormtail in Peter's light sapphire eyes.

Sirius followed his godson's gaze.  He felt a moment of anger that he had been careless enough to leave Peter's pictures in plain view.  But there wasn't much of a choice.  There was barely a picture, if any, that had one Marauder without the others.  They banded together like glue; stronger than glue.  They were brothers in the deepest sense. Or so he had thought.

"We can remove him if you want," Sirius muttered, "He doesn't have to…"

"No," said Harry, shaking his head, "Let him stay.  He couldn't have been evil all his life, could he?  Not when you trusted him like you did."

Sirius conceded.  Those possessions were Harry's to do with as he pleased.  And the boy did have a point… but that did not excuse Peter nor lessen Sirius' hatred of him.

A sudden bout of shouting interrupted his reverie.  It sounded like the stone angel was yelling at someone in the front yard.  Apparently, someone was trying to force their way in.

Sirius couldn't see anyone through the window, so he quickly moved to the staircase.  "Stay here," Sirius ordered as he walked down to the front door slowly.  Harry remained behind at the top of the stairs.  Siruis drew out his wand just in case and opened the door.  He immediately relaxed, seeing not Voldemort, but a very flustered werewolf.

"Remus, what the hell…" he muttered, shaking in silent laughter.  Remus was in the process of sending hexes at the angel who refused to let him enter without the proper password.  Sirius had forgotten to tell her to admit the werewolf along with the two owners.  Really, the only reason he got her was because of Dumbledore's insistence for Harry's safety.

"It's alright," Sirius told the angel, "You can let him pass without a password."

The angel sighed dramatically as she tried to get her wings to stop changing color from one of Remus' hexes.  She looked at Sirius seethingly, "Well what good is a guardian if anyone off the streets can enter?"

"Just do your job and let him do his.  Come in, Moony."

"I'm not interrupting anything?"

"Not really.  But even if you were, would it matter?"

"No."  He beamed when he saw Harry who had gotten up and stood by the kitchen door, "Hi, Harry."

"Hi, Remus.  What are you doing here?"

"Just thought I'd stop by.  Your godfather mentioned you were coming today.  Do you like this better than your aunt's?"

"Yeah, it's great!"

"I was the one who suggested it."

"You did not!"  argued Sirius.

"Well what about that place with the swamp, Padfoot?"

"It was NOT a swamp, Moony.  It was a Japanese garden.  And that was Javen's idea."

"No, Javen suggested that blue house infested with pixies.  Manticore's Den was my idea."

As the two argued, Harry found himself grinning.  It was like watching a much older version of he and Ron arguing about whether Malfoy would make a better grindylow or a Red Cap.  He was so used to seeing the two men so grave and rational, especially Remus, that it seemed almost unbelievable that they were the purveyors of aids to magical mischief-makers.

"…Well, how about the time you hexed off Narcissa's hair in Divination class?"

"At least I didn't call McGonagall an 'old bat' with her standing behind me."

"And the time you enchanted the suits of armor to follow Snape around and call him a greasy git…"

"That was a stroke of true genius.  And I recall you polishing the Quidditch trophies right along with me after that."

"And the time you convinced Sybil that you foresaw her going to the graduation ball with Malfoy."

"Well what about the time that you painted the walls of the Slytherin Common Room red and gold?"

"Um, guys?" asked Harry, not really able to follow the conversation.  They ignored him.

"…And then you put blue 'All Stay Charmed Paint' in the Hufflepuff girls' showers."

"And the time you switched the Sorting Hat with Mundungus' insulting hat at the beginning of the year…"

"Guys?"

"The first years' expressions were worth all that polishing.  Well, what about the time you 'mistook' the kitchen for the laundry room?"

"That was all Lily's idea.  I loved the elves' cooking.  But you were the one who tricked Mrs. Norris into a broom closet before locking it."

"Guys!"

"It was your idea that we transfigure Rita Skeeter's desk into a giant spider."

"But you told us that it would be a good idea to use the Shrinking Potion on the Halloween pumpkins the day before the feast and that Hagrid 'wouldn't mind'."

"He overreacted way too much.  I had the antidote ready for the feast.  And what about the time you changed Snape's final exam potion with a shampoo solution?"

"I can't help it if he needs a few hints to start washing his hair.  But you were the one who…"

"GUYS!!!"  Harry was relieved that he did not need to shout anymore for the two to pay attention to him.  Remus and Sirius stared at him in amazement.  It was a rare occurrence for them to hear Harry raise his voice.  He motioned to the open door with his head and smiled.  They had been so caught up in the argument that they didn't notice a man who had managed to argue his way passed the irritated angel.

"Javen?  What are you doing here?" asked Sirius.  Javen Derios was a tall man with short brown hair and deep blue eyes.  He was taller than both Remus and Sirius with muscles to make up for his height.  He wore the robes of a Ministry hit-wizard and seemed like a nice enough person from the start.  Harry felt himself unconsciously relax under the gentle, youthful gaze of Javen.

"I was wondering if young Harry wouldn't mind if I stole his godfather for a few hours."

"For what?" asked Sirius crossing his arms.  He had a look that said he probably knew what Javen needed him for.

"Well, there are still some legal things that need to be taken care of.  Mostly concerning compensation for your time in Azkaban."

"I thought that was taken care of.  Fudge said…"

"Come now, Sirius," chuckled Javen, "Fudge take care of anything?  His head's as good as his name.  It's nothing major, but I figured you would want to deal with it as soon as possible."

"Alright, then," Sirius said defeated.  Javen smiled sympathetically.

"I know you wanted to spend some time with your godson, but we do need to get going now if we're to reach Diagon Alley before noon.  The goblins are unpleasant enough without haggling with the Ministry and late ex-convicts.  And there's an issue about the adoption we need to get taken care of.  Again, nothing major."

"Go on, Sirius," Remus said, "I'll stay with Harry."

Harry was about to say that he didn't need to be baby-sat, but thought better of it.  Remus wouldn't really be baby-sitting, and he knew he wanted to have a chance to get better acquainted with the werewolf.

Sirius nodded, "Don't let Moony destroy the place, Harry.  I'm leaving you in charge."

"Ok, Sirius," Harry said, "I've got it covered."         

"I'm glad I thought of the place," Javen said distantly as he looked around.  He didn't notice the grins that spread across the other threes' faces.

Soon, the roar of a motorcycle drowned out the light whistling of a broomstick as both men soared into the sky.  The fire was not ready for Floo travel and Apparation was generally discouraged around Diagon Alley in case Voldemort could track the magic.  The entrance of Diagon Alley had since been rearranged and charmed since Voldemort's days so he could never find it.  His unknown followers, sure, but not him.  Even if they led him through, there would be too many charms to let him pass.  At least, it was designed to work that way.  It had yet to be tested.

Harry was pleased to note that he wouldn't have to wait days or weeks to hear from his godfather ever again.  This time, it was forever.  He would see him again in only a few hours and until then, he could spend time with another of his father's best friends.  The only thing that would make life any sweeter would be if he had Ron and Hermione with him to share it with.  When Hedwig woke up, he intended to write to them and tell them what happened.  Maybe he could even convince Sirius to let one or both of them visit over the summer.

Around 4 in the afternoon, Sirius called via fire and said he would be a bit later than he expected.  Then he muttered something quite colorful about goblins, the Ministry, and an issue with bartenders and ice cream above other things.  He offered Remus the guest room and said he'd be back as soon as he could.

By the time Sirius came home, it was nearly midnight.  He found the remains of some funky smelling slop that Remus had insisted for over 20 years was stew in the sink.  He quietly moved into the living room, hearing no noise.  He found his godson dressed in the night robes he had bought for him curled up on the couch with Remus slumped over sideways on a large chair.  His head leaned against the back of the chair and his legs dangled over the side of the adjacent arms.

Sirius quickly guessed what had happened.  Remus had first tried to poison Harry with that god-awful stew that no one, not even Snape, should ever experience.  Well… maybe Snape.  Then the werewolf had tried to corrupt his friend's godson by ordering the boy into his pajamas in exchange for entirely untrue stories about Sirius' rebellious teen years.  It was totally despicable for the former professor to warp a young boy's mind with lies that included many hours of grueling detention for something that was not Sirius' fault.  Especially not that infamous 'fake full moon' gag that ended with many a week of attempts on poor Padfoot's life.

He decided that Harry had been subjected to Moony's presence long enough.  He also decided that any sore neck said werewolf might receive for sleeping like that would be well deserved.  So, very carefully, Sirius carried Harry upstairs to his bedroom.  He was surprised how light the boy was.  For 14 years old, he was not the least bit heavy.  Sure, he had Lily's light frame, but he expected a boy over half his own height to be a little harder to lift.  Perhaps he had regained all the muscles he thought lost in the wallowing pits of Azkaban.  Or, he thought, those Muggles did not feed him like they should have.  He figured the latter was the more reasonable conclusion.

He could take care of that, he decided.  Not only would Harry find himself the most spoiled child in the wizarding world, Sirius would see to it that he would never have to look at another grapefruit quarter again.  He tucked him into the bed and stepped back.

Harry was sleeping as peacefully as he did when he was a baby.  James had always accused him of being 'too much of a father' to Harry.  He worried that Harry would begin to think that his godfather really was his father by the amount of time Sirius spent at the Potter household.  This idea never seemed to bother Sirius any.  But he seemed more than satisfied with the honorary title of 'Pa-foo'.  The thought still brought a warm smile to his face.  Such memories were not allowed in Azkaban for fear of losing their sanity.

'This should be you, James,' Sirius thought eyeing the fallen picture of the Gryffindor class.  The image of James smiled up at him and waved.  'Harry is not my son, no matter how much I want him to be.  It should be you who can tuck him into bed like he never aged a day past one.'

"Sirius," a voice whispered softly.  Sirius whipped around and saw the form of Remus at Harry's door.

He joined him in the hall so they could talk without worrying about waking up Harry.  Sirius didn't know he was still holding the photograph until Remus pointed it out.  They walked downstairs so the living, breathing mass of stew/slop would not breed and take over the kitchen.

"You gave the box to Harry?"  asked Remus.

"It's his only real inheritance besides the gold and cloak," Sirius said, putting the photograph on the counter, "It's the least I can do."

"And the meeting with Javen?"

"We went over compensations and interest with some Ministry agents and goblins.  I have enough so that I won't be in a big rush to start work right away.  I think I'll start looking after Harry goes to school.  And I had to appoint him another godfather incase something should happen to me.  Would you…"

"Of course, Padfoot.  You don't have to ask."

"I know.  That's what I told the agents.  They seemed concerned about your lycanthropy, but I told them off.  I think I know you and Harry better than they do.  How was he tonight?"

"The happiest I've ever seen him," Remus said with his gentle smile, "You really made his year, Sirius.  Especially after that Tri-Wizard Tournament incident."  They both shared a frown at this.

"Why does all this have to happen to him, Remus?  Why can't the world just leave him alone to finish what is left of his already miserable childhood?"

"Life's like that, Padfoot.  You already know how unfair it can be.  He's not the only one who lost whatever was left of their adolescence all those years back."  He stared at Sirius as though willing his friend to realize that he did not deserve to lose all those years of his life.  He could still see a tinge of darkness in those otherwise bright, mischievous eyes.  In Harry, Remus could see Sirius' salvation.  Unable to relive 12 years of a young, promising life again, Sirius looked to the boy for happiness.  If anyone was more capable of being a father to Harry than Sirius, Remus would become a full-time wolf.  

Neither Remus nor Harry doubted his abilities.  Only the man himself did.  He was determined to be a good father, but he needed the confidence of a younger, rule-breaking Padfoot in order to be successful.  He hoped Sirius was up to the challenge.  Raising a child, even one nearly grown up, was not all gifts and laughter.  There would be fights and tears too.  Bringing up Harry would change Sirius' whole world.  And Remus would help them through it the best he could.

End Chapter 2

Japonica:  Hey hey hey!  I'm glad it's back up too.

Lily Skylo: Welcome to the show, though I doubt you know what you just got yourself into. Ask those poor people I keep torturing with 'Crushed Velvet.' *_~ I suggest you not read that until all of Say Goodnight's chapters are up and running.  My other story though, 'Who wants to live forever' is fair game.  Fear not for Padfoot's safety, I will take good care of him.  Oh, and I totally agree. He will never be dead! He'll come back dammit!

Darkphoenix:  Hey, it's good to hear from you again! I've been chugging away at the last chapter of CV and it's driving me just as insane as you. I'm on page 12 of it and I am still finding it hard to just shut up and end it.  At the rate it's going, it should be up by Monday at the latest, but don't quote me on that.  Keep whining all you want, it lets me know my stuff is still wanted. I know I'm selfish, but hey, it's a living. *_~


	3. Draw Each Breath

A/n: This takes place about 2 weeks after the last chapter… so now there are 5 weeks until the start of term.  And so the real fun begins…

Part Three: Draw Each Breath

"Run, Harry!  Go now!"  

Harry could barely see through the smoke that filled the house, but he could see the silhouette of Sirius standing over him protectively.  Death Eaters stalked into the house from the front and back doors.  Even if Harry wanted to leave, he didn't think he could.  They were totally surrounded.

"I won't leave you, Sirius!"  Harry yelled over the explosions.  Shards of the stone angel lay at his feet.  The Death Eaters had destroyed her when she refused to let them enter.  That was what had initially alerted Sirius to their presence.  Now they stood in the living room, waiting for the Death Eaters to corner them.  The Death Eaters seemed to be in no rush to finish the job; they slowly drove the two to the wall of the living room, chuckling menacingly.

Sirius did not risk a glance at the boy struggling to stand at his side.  When he spoke, his voice was cold and harsh, "Get out of here, Harry!"

"They killed my mum and dad!  They won't get you too!"

"I don't matter!  Find Remus and Dumbledore!"  Sirius saw the Death Eaters taking out their wands as they cornered them.  He spun and shoved Harry toward an open window just as the leader rasped out, "_Avada Kedavara!"_

Moved by the momentum of Sirius' push and further moved by the tremendous blinding green blast, Harry dove out the small window.  Curling into a ball, he managed to roll to a stop a few feet away from the crumbling house relatively unharmed.  He covered his head to shield himself from another large explosion that ripped throughout the building.  The force of the explosion shattered his glasses and temporarily deafened him.  The last thing Harry saw before finally losing consciousness was a blurry tall black-robed figure scooping him up in his arms.  'Sirius… I won't leave you too…'

*          *          *

It could have been minutes, hours, or even days since the attack for all Harry knew.  He gradually found his thoughts coming together to form coherent sentences.  A cool, wet rag was being pressed against his forehead and someone was calling his name.  Someone was pleading for him to wake up.  It was Sirius!  He had to open his eyes!  Sirius was worried about him…

But when he opened his eyes, they focused not on the loving, worried face of his godfather, and not on the face of gentle Remus.  Looking closer, he found that his rescuer was none other than Javen Derios, the hit-wizard friend of his godfather.  He could not see properly without his glasses, but he could tell that wherever they were, there was very little sunlight, and there was a slight draft.

He shivered involuntarily and Javen removed his draping cloak to cover the boy.  His face looked older than usual, and a line or two marred his young face.  Harry's throat was dry and he was unable to find the motivation to attempt words.  Javen did it for him.

"You had me worried there, Harry," Javen sighed in relief, "I feared you wouldn't wake up.  How are you feeling?"

"I—I'm ok," Harry managed to choke out.  Dust from the explosion filled his lungs and he coughed fiercely just at this small attempt.  Javen immediately conjured a goblet of water and let Harry drink his fill.  He also forced the boy to eat something before allowing any more discussion.

"Where's Sirius?" demanded Harry, not meaning to sound harsh or ungrateful, but feeling the pangs of worry come over him.  Javen shook his head.

"You need to rest first.  Talk later."

"I'm not tired," Harry rebutted, "Tell me where he is."

Javen looked into his eyes and saw there was no way to save it for later.  He put a heavy hand on his shoulder as if to support Harry in his sitting position.  "I'm sorry, Harry.  Your father did not survive the attack."

The usage of the word 'father' went by Harry's ears unnoticed.  He just stared at Javen as though waiting for the punch line.  He was lying.  He was misinformed.  Nothing could kill Sirius.  Not the man who escaped from Azkaban and broke into Hogwarts for Harry's sake.  Sirius was invincible.

"No, he couldn't have… I would have… it was someone else… I know… not him… I should have done something, anything…" Harry knew he was rambling and made little sense, but he did not care.  His heart was breaking like he never knew it could and tears threatened to overwhelm his dusty eyes.  His connection to Sirius was already nearly as strong as any biological one.  In the short time he had known Sirius, he knew they had a connection that could not be broken.  He now could recall flashes of his infanthood that did not include misery.  And Sirius was in all of them.

"When I found you, you were almost dead yourself, how could you have done anything to prevent it?" Javen chided as gently as he could.  Harry still didn't look at him so he tried again, "I know it hurts, Harry.  And the pain will not go away quickly.  I know.  I lost my parents to Voldemort when I was younger than you are now.  The pain is overwhelming, but it will subside.  Life goes on, Harry.  Soon, you will learn to forget and put it behind you."

Harry's mind screamed that he would not and could not forget Sirius or how much he felt at home with him.  He was the closest thing to a father Harry had ever known.  But he knew that Javen was grieving for his friend as well and that he was only trying to help.  He had the hit-wizard to thank for his life, so he figured he should at least thank him even though he wished he was left to die at Sirius' side like he was meant to.  So all he was able to mutter out was a quiet, "Thank you for saving my life."

"Harry, if I thought I could have saved both of you I would have," continued Javen, willing for the boy to believe him, "But the curse was already cast…"

"I know.  I—I understand," Harry struggled to fight back the tears and the hitching in his throat, "Is there… anything left at all?"

"No.  The house was completely destroyed along with everything in it."

"Where are we?"

"Safe.  That's all you need to know for now.  I want you to try to go to sleep without a sleeping potion.  It's best if you are able to fight against crutches from the start."

Harry had no choice but to obey.  He did not see how he was supposed to soothe his screaming mind into sleep, but right then he did not care.  He just wanted the pain to go away.  And if that meant going to sleep, then that was what he would have to do.  Seeing Harry resting his head on the pillow, Javen got up and left the room, shutting the door behind him.  It was then that he heard the boy's defenses go down almost immediately.  He heard the choked sobs reverberate throughout the building, despite obvious attempts from the boy to keep them quiet.

He would leave Harry enough room to grieve for the time being.  Soon he would have to move both of them to a more secure location where no one could find them.  But for now, he needed to contact the Ministry.  It was only an hour since the attack and those foolish politicians probably didn't even hear the news yet.  It would be best for them to hear it from him first.

He threw powder into the fireplace and called out the password to the Minister's office.  He found himself faced with not only Fudge, but the entire attendance of the Governors as well, including Dumbledore.  He couldn't ask for a better audience.

Javen bowed respectfully to the group, "Sir, I knew you would want to hear this first."

"Yes?" asked the Minister in a bored voice, "This better be good, Derios.  I'm in a very important meeting with the Governors.  I've no time for pleasantry calls."

"Yes, Sir.  I know.  But it seems I am the bearer of tragic news.  Death Eaters have attacked Sirius Black's house.  The house was totally destroyed."  The room erupted into a flurry of murmurs and speculations.  Only Lucius Malfoy remained quiet, only raising an eyebrow.  This did not go unnoticed by Javen, but he did not comment.  His face was the perfect image of grief and pain.

"And Sirius and Harry?" asked Fudge, trying to keep the sudden panic out of his voice.  It did not work.  Javen was able to stop himself from smirking at the Minister.  He lowered his gaze to the floor in grief, not bothering to answer.  If possible, the pain in his face grew and tears welled in his large cerulean eyes.

The entire room seemed to go into a simultaneous state of shock.  As quickly as the noise started, it ceased all together.  Fudge put a hand to his head in shock.  "Oh Merlin… But the charms we put up… the wards designed…"

"How will we tell the people?" asked a young Governor Javen did not know the name of, "Potter was our hope… the very symbol for what we are fighting for."

"The wizarding world has been cut deeply if this is true."  Javen mentally frowned in indignation.  So did they still not trust him after all this time?  Fudge sighed wearily, "Harry… the plans we had for him..."

"I was leaving for my vacation in Egypt and decided to drop by," Javen explained, hoping to remove all doubt, "When I arrived, the Death Eaters were already sifting through the rubble.  I hid so I wouldn't be seen until they disapparated.  Perhaps I could have done something.  I don't know… but they were already dead when I arrived.  I knew you would want to know first."

Fudge nodded at this.  "Thank you for coming to me first with this, Derios.  I will send hit-wizards to the scene to see what can be salvaged.  They will make a full report and I will announce it later tonight via fire.  If we need you, we will send an owl.  Go on to Egypt."  The Minister cut the connection from his fire, leaving Javen to scowl angrily.  So nothing had changed at all, had it?  Fudge still believed he was God Almighty, leaving those lesser mortals to follow him like lost puppies.  The Governors were no help at all against the great dictator.  And they all still looked upon Javen with distrust and wariness.  

But Fudge was a blind old fool.  Lord Voldemort was steadily growing power and he was turning a blind eye on it all.  He would learn the hard way not to step on those who helped him gain all that power.  He would regret dismissing Javen like he did.  As would Lord Voldemort.  He deserved to die by the boy's hand.  They both did.

Javen greedily eyed the door that concealed the now silent boy.  Young Potter was the link he needed to gain the power he deserved.  The opportunity was too easy to pass up; it was perfect.  Sirius was dead, he was sure of that.  And now he had Harry all to himself.  The boy was full of untapped talent, and it would be this talent that he would use to his advantage.  He would pass his wisdom on.  He would raise the boy properly, not like those peace-loving Marauders who were too afraid to do what was needed to survive.  

Harry would learn the best from a true teacher who knew what was needed to get the boy up to dueling standards.  Once he saw the truth behind Javen's lessons, he would advance quickly.  The lessons would be hard at first, but it was all for the boy's sake, so he would not have to face the pain that Javen did at his age.  All the wizard asked in return for his services was the boy's help in exacting righteous revenge.  With Harry at his side, Javen felt he was invincible.  Those old bureaucrats would finally understand at last what they had pushed away.

*          *          *

Harry woke up quickly; his nightmare had been too real that time.  He didn't know he had called out until he heard the echoes of his cry off the walls.  He still didn't have any glasses, so he first felt a flare of hope seeing the black-roped figure bursting through the door.  But upon closer inspection, he knew his hope was in vain.  Sirius was gone, and he was not coming back.  Years ago, he would have gone with anyone who offered a home away from the Dursleys, but now, all he wanted was the one person he could never have.

"Are you alright, Harry?" asked Javen softly, sitting at the foot of the bed, "I heard you cry out."

'Of course I'm not all right!  I've lost my only family and I think I'm going to die!'  "I'm fine, Mr. Derios.  Just a nightmare."  He looked around and noticed the room was different, "Where are we?"

"The Death Eaters are still looking for you and the Ministry felt it was best if I moved you to a more secure location.  You were sleeping so soundly, I didn't think I should wake you.  You've gone through a great ordeal."

"Are we at the Ministry?  Or Hogwarts?"  Harry rubbed his eyes.  They were sore from squinting and the number of tears he had used to bring on sleep.  He resolved not to cry again.  He was a Gryffindor and they were supposed to be brave.  He should be stronger.  For Sirius if for no one else.

"No, you are going to come with me to Ireland on an assignment for the Ministry."  Javen held his breath for the protest.  It came.

"Bu—but what about the Ministry?  They would want me to give them an account of what happened.  And Hogwarts is the safest place in the world.  They need to appoint me a new guardian.  And… and I have to attend the funeral," Harry whispered these last words, still refusing to believe he wasn't dreaming.  That Padfoot really hadn't died in his stead like so many before him had.

Javen shook his head softly, "The Death Eaters destroyed his body soon after the attack so it could not be traced.  There is nothing left to bury.  And I already talked to the Ministry.  Dumbledore himself believes it is better that you not relive the pain to them when they already know what happened."  Javen sighed as though he also would rather lose himself in the comfort of dreamless sleep.  It was then that Harry realized how much the older man must also be grieving for the loss of his friend.

"Minister Fudge sent a team of hit-wizards to contain the area," Javen continued, "If they find anything and new arrangements are made, by all means we will return to England."

"I have to talk to Remus," Harry burst out suddenly, not believing he could have forgotten about him, "Sirius must have appointed him as my godfather."  He could only imagine the state the gentle werewolf must be in.  He would need every friend he had; he would need Harry.

"Harry, please calm down.  Remus is in a horrible state of mind right now.  He is beside himself with grief and illness.  The full moon is tonight, you know.  And besides… he wasn't your godfather."

"He wasn't?  But Mr. Derios…" Harry's voice drifted off when he saw the man's eyes break the gaze between them.  Javen looked nervous about something; surely he wasn't going to say what he thought he was going to say…

"Sirius thought that it may not be best for you to live with a werewolf.  Not," he added hastily, "That he thought any less of him, of course.  Quite the opposite as I'm sure you know.  But circumstances are different with a lycanthrope regardless.  He asked me if I would take the position in case, Merlin forbid, anything should happen to him.  

"And I am willing to take the role of parenting, Harry.  I promise that his trust in me was wise.  I just didn't expect the Ministry to sign the adoption papers right off.  I'm just as surprised as you are, believe me!  I promise I'll be a good father, Harry.  Together, we can help each other heal.  We must trust the Ministry's wisdom in this matter."

Harry knew that didn't sound right.  But he was not exactly in the proper state of mind to analyze his situation as it should be.  If Javen said that Sirius appointed him as godfather, then Harry would believe and honor that.  Javen had always been so kind to him and he had never lied to him before.  Any friend of Sirius was worth his utmost loyalty.

He nodded numbly, "All right then."  

Javen smiled in obvious relief at being accepted by his young charge.  He patted Harry's shoulder gently, "I think we will work just fine together, Harry.  Of course I'll not require it at first since it is so new, but in the future I would like it if you could address me as your father.  I promise you I will live up to that name."

Harry nodded again, thoughts reeling through his head.  'Father'?  He hadn't even started calling Sirius that, although when he thought of him, he thought of him as a father.  Technically, Sirius was his father in every sense of the word except for biologically.  And when others referred to Sirius as his father, neither Harry nor Sirius had ever corrected them.  James was never lost in Harry's heart; he would always be his father.  But no one else seemed as fitting to wear that title as Sirius.  He had taken over the role James left for him, with the understanding that Sirius would use it well.  But Javen… it seemed almost wrong to call him that.  He barely knew the man.

Another part of him snapped at him.  'He saved your life at his own risk, moron,' he scolded himself, 'And Sirius trusted him enough to take care of you.  It's not like you can even think straight yet anyway.  He making so many sacrifices for you to be safe.  He's offering you his home, another chance for a family.  He's such a nice guy, why be so ungrateful?  It's just a word.'

"Yes… father."

*          *          *

He didn't know if he was alive or dead.  Then when he tried to move his head, he definitely decided he was alive.  No one dead could ever feel that much pain and not be alive.

Feeling a definite sense of agony in his bound wrists, Sirius opened his weary eyes to observe his surroundings.  There was very little light in the dank place, but he did not need light to recognize what sort of place this was.  It was a dungeon.  He had been in enough of them to recognize the horrid stench of blood and sweat in a place of torture.  But this wasn't a Ministry dungeon, it could only be one of the dungeons used by the Death Eaters who had attacked him earlier that… wait… what day was it?  How long had he been out?

He remembered what had happened.  The Death Eaters forced their way into the Manticore's Den and cornered he and Harry.  He tried to make Harry run for it, but the foolishly brave boy refused.  He finally was forced to shove him toward an open window as one of the Death Eaters used a Killing Curse.  It missed him by mere inches, but had Harry escaped it all right?  Was he even alive?  'Oh God, Harry.  If I killed you when I thought I could protect you…'

What had happened after that?  The rest was fuzzy from then on.  He just remembered trying to push Harry to safety and the Killing Curse just missing him.  Then another explosion knocked him off his feet.  In the scramble to escape the crumbling house, some of the Death Eaters grabbed him, thinking he was one of them since many of their own had also fallen.

When they had exited the house, he swore he caught a glimpse of Javen racing from the scene of the attack with something in his arms; he could not tell what.  Sirius guessed he had gone for help.  The hit-wizard was hiding the best he could from the Death Eaters who didn't even seem to care about anything except getting out of there before the Ministry showed up.  They were still dragging Sirius along with their other comrades, not noticing his feeble attempts to escape.  One of them finally had to Stun him so they wouldn't splinch themselves in the apparation.

But how long ago was that?  The Death Eaters had obviously realized who he was by now, hence the new sleeping arrangements.  Not that he was sure they slept in anything more pleasant.  But he was pretty confident that they did not ordinarily tie up their comrades in shackles and leave them there beaten and bloody.  He hurt so much, he couldn't even think up a trademark Padfoot remark to this situation.  Not that he could find much humor in this predicament, injuries and missing godson aside.  For Padfoot, that was saying something if he couldn't find one humorous piece of irony or witty statement.  Anyone could attest to that.

"He's awake," a voice said, trembling slightly.  Sirius knew that voice.  He had spent years trying to forget that voice.

"Good."  He knew that voice too.  That voice was enough to let whatever blood that was left in his face to drain out quickly.  A new bout of nausea came over him, but by the slippery stones beneath his bare feet, Sirius guessed he did not have much left to throw up.

The Dark Lord himself walked in the door.  His face was covered, but Sirius knew he did not want to know what was underneath that hood.  Sirius was greatly reminded of a Dementor by the way Voldemort seemed to carry misery and sorrow around with him all the time.  His fingers were long and bony, resembling a Dementor's hand.  Although not affected by the Dementors like the others were in Azkaban, Sirius always had and always would fear them.  And he felt the same rush of fear fill his veins then.  Gradually, that fear turned to anger and then to the red-hot tendrils of hate.

Voldemort chuckled at Sirius' vain attempts to remain calm in his presence, "Not so brave without your little gang, are you?  And no more little Potter around to save the day."

"Fuck you!" Sirius shouted, surprised at his own daring, but he was too angry and frightened to care.  And that was not a good mix when it was Sirius who was feeling them.

Voldemort's chuckle died on his lips.  He raised his wand and leveled it at Sirius' throat, "You are not in any position to be anything but subservient, puppy.  _Crucio!"_

Pain like no other blinded Sirius.  He writhed and screamed, but there was no end to the agony Voldemort had him under.  The Dark Lord was a master of torture and it was more like an art to him than a function.  He knew how to administer it perfectly so that the victim was in the worst agony possible.  Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Sirius felt the Cruciatus Curse leave him in peace.  His bare chest rose and fell unsteadily in ragged gasps for air.  It was then some part of his brain registered that except for a pair of pants, he was devoid of his robes, and his wand was obviously gone too.

"Wormtail," Voldemort hissed.  Sirius heard the frightened man scuttle to his master's side obediently.  Wormtail wasted no time in kneeling to kiss the hem of the Dark Lord's robe.

"Yes, Master?" he asked, visibly shaking.  Voldemort let out another chuckle at this.  Both Sirius and Peter shuddered at the sound of it.

"I promised you a gift if you were to kill or deliver me the Potter boy, did I not?"

"Y-yes, Master."

"Did you do as I asked?"

"Yes, Master."

"Do you have proof of this?"  Both Sirius and Voldemort waited as Peter rummaged through his robes frantically.  At last, he held out an offering to his lord.

"The boy's glasses, Master.  It was the biggest part of him we could find."  Sirius could hear the smirk in the man's voice.  It was ironic that the same thing had once been said about 'poor talentless grief-stricken Pettigrew'.  But there was a big difference and everyone present knew it.  Harry was not an Animagus, nor was his assassin held off from finishing the job.  "Nothing could survive the curse.  And the body was blown to pieces in the final explosion.  I witnessed this myself."

Sirius sank in his chains, wishing he could die.  Just to be given the Avada Kedavara and let it be over with.  He had sent the one person he loved most in the world to his death.  He pushed him into the curse, knowing the safest place for him was behind his godfather.  But Sirius had failed.  And he failed in a way that he had hoped never to fail in again.  The last Potter who had trusted him with their life.  And he had betrayed him as readily as he betrayed James and Lily.

Before he knew it, Sirius had transformed into the great black dog, his body small enough to slip through the shackes.  He was lunging for Wormtail's miserable throat, intent on ending the rat's worthless life.  All the pent up rage and pain powered him now in one final attack to avenge all those lives that he had been responsible for.

Voldemort stood back and watched with amusement as Peter squealed in panic as the large, mad dog tried to kill him.  He would have enjoyed watching Sirius finish off the worthless rat, but he still had plans that would prove a sniveling coward still useful.  He once again used the Cruciatus to subdue the dog.  Once he was sure that Sirius had had enough for the time being, he let him off.

Turning toward the door, Voldemort gave one final message, "For your reward, I will grant you this slave to do with as you please."  He swept out the door where he could find something more worth his time other than melodramatic family feuds.  He could sense Snape upstairs with his report.  And he had a death announcement to watch in the fire.

End Part 3

Vesper Lunen: Thank you very much! I don't believe I recognize your name from a review, but I'm glad you like it all the same. Have you also read Crushed Velvet?

Alexa Black: Hey, girl! *****hugs * It's good to hear from you again. Yeah, hopefully it'll stay up this time. I'm glad you find 'Who Wants to Live Forever' to your liking. Putting you in it seemed like a good thing to do at the time and I'm glad I did.

Darkphoenix: Oh shoot! Now I'm really gonna hafta get the bloody thing up on time, won't I? ^_^ I'm on page 15 and I still can't chug out a final scene. Oy! You and that story will be the death of me! The review had better be big and fat. Lol. Did you really like chapter 2? It was actually one of my least favorite.  I thought it was too silly for the story overall. It seems to be popular with a lot of the readers. Oh well, shows how much I know the quality of my writing. *shrugs * I'll get it right eventually. And just for you, just cause I like you, I'll let you throw in a few punches.  But you know what happens to him in the end, so at least let him survive to that end. It's weird re-reading about him now that you know what he really is, isn't it?

Jannadancer: Thank you! ^_^ Welcome to the show!

Moongirl: It's going up in record timing. Quite unlike it's poor sequel which should be finished entirely by Monday. Thanks for your encouragement!

Cestari: *hugs Sirius * he's in good hands really.  Trust me. *evil grin *

Japonica: Actually in defense of the Lady Rowling, I actually liked how she did their characters.  Yeah, Harry was a bit on the angsty side, but find a 15 year old boy fighting for his life who isn't. And I loved how Sirius was brought more into the spotlight with his house, family, history, and especially the pensieve scene. I'm a little guilty of enjoying how much she rambled on about him. I'm glad you like my characterization too though. I try to keep it as realistic as possible. I'll see you around! ^_^

X-Girl X-File: Oh! Oh! Another person who loves the X-Files as much as I do! I can't write XF fanfics for beans, but I absolutely adore it!!! I'm lovin your stories too by the way. *gushes on and on about Mulder, Scully, and the Lone Gunmen for a few pages * Sorry. ^_^ had to get that out of my system. Who is Javen? Hehe, that's the million dollar question, isn't it? Read darkphoenix's rather violent review and you might get a bit of an idea. Needless to say, you'll probably end up agreeing with her.

Someone Reading: *nearly faints * you liked the box scene? Wow, I was this *holds up two fingers * close to cutting that whole scene out altogether. I liked it, but I thought it wasn't too important and maybe a little too trite. Harry's line about Peter is pretty much my whole philosophy on the subject too. Yeah, I can feel somewhat violent towards the rodent, but I agree that he must have been a halfway decent human being for 3 great guys to care about him so much. In book 3 Sirius and Remus even said that they would have died for him if it meant saving his life. Hehehe. I liked having Remus and the angel having a go at each other too. I'm sorry I have to be mean, but it all turns out in the end alright. And yeah, I totally feel for Harry in book 5. I felt like crying when he was breaking down in Dumbledore's office cause that's what I felt like too… well almost… I'm sure he was more upset that me. *sniffle * Can I join your U.S.S. SAD DENIAL too? I think a support group is a good idea.


	4. How Fragile We Are

Part 4: How Fragile We Are

"…their loss has cut us deeper than we will ever know.  But their sacrifice for the good of the Light shall not be in vain …"

"Arthur!  Arthur, come to the fire, quick!"

"Shush, Molly what in the world are you …?"

"Oh, Merlin, Arthur!  Not them, oh God no!"

"Dad, what's going on?  What's Fudge talking about?"

"Ron!  Get your brothers and sister!  Come in here now!"

*          *            *

"… Indeed, their noble and valiant last stand will be an example to us all in our constant struggle against those who would destroy our way of life.  Young Harry Potter, who had barely begun to live is indeed one of …"

"I'm back, Minerva …"

"Oh, hello, Severus.  I trust _Master_ was pleased?"

"As happy as that worm can ever be."

"Then there's no hope at all, is there?"

"No.  There can be no doubt that they are dead.  He wouldn't make a mistake to leave them alive, and… here, Minerva.  Have my handkerchief."

*          *            *

"How was your day, Hermione?"

"It was fine.  Ron owled me two days ago and …"

"David, did you see this on the news today?  They say it was a terrible gas explosion."

"Yeah I did.  Killed two people just across town."

"What happened, Mum?  Turn up the television, I can't hear what they're saying."

*          *            *

"… We will rise up and crush the rebel band of Death Eaters who have done this.  The Boy Who Lived will always be in our hearts as long as the Light shines through.  This is your Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, saying good night and Merlin watch over us all in these sad times."

A lone man, bereft of family to comfort him, bereft of friends to gather with, bereft of all, sat huddled by the fireplace watching with large gray-blue eyes.  He was unable to look away from the fire as though he would miss the punchline if he did.  No tears adorned his handsome, but prematurely aged face for some sorrows had no such easy outlet.  Some sorrow was beyond all tears.  Illness racked his body and the date circled in blue on the calendar finally drew to a close.

The doors were all locked and secured tight that night with enchantments so strong, none but the man himself could undo them.  Wolf's Haven was a veritable fortress and as the moon sailed across the sky, the creature that dwelt inside, locked in the basement, howled more than usual.  It was cold and dark in that cellar by itself.  The wolf cried and wailed for its three playmates, angry to be left behind as the last, and this time, the human within did nothing to try to sate the beast.  He let it howl.  And he let it scratch and bite itself.  And he let it throw itself against the metal doors.  And he let the silver hang from the ceiling and exits.  And he let the sickness rage on.

*          *            *

Fudge's face disappeared from the fireplaces of every witch and wizard in Britain turning from his own fire slowly.  He knew what the people would be thinking.  Everyone would be pointing fingers at Voldemort and whatever stability he had built in the past 13 years would be lost.

A young hit-wizard ran up to him, carrying some parchment.  He was panting lightly since he had run all the way from the next Ministry building.

"Minister," he gasped, holding the parchment out to him, "Our final report."

Fudge took it from him and skimmed it over.  At one paragraph he paused and stared at the young man intently, "What does this mean?  No trace …"

"Exactly that, Sir," he said defensively, "We searched the place over and it's like they vanished, or were never there.  The Death Eaters must have disposed of the bodies somewhere else.  But the Killing Curse was used… nothing could have survived those explosions even if they dodged the Avada Kedavra.  And the Dark Mark is still there; clear as day.  Not even fading."

"It doesn't make sense," Dumbledore said from behind the two men.  He lightly dusted off the ash from Fudge's fire.

"I didn't hear you enter, Headmaster," Fudge said, a thin smile on his face.  Dumbledore seemed not to notice the less than warm welcome.

"Why would the Death Eaters not leave the bodies?" continued Dumbledore, "That's not like them.  In the old days, they would leave the bodies behind as a warning.  And young Derios… I don't trust him."

"But everything he told us is found to be true, Dumbledore," Fudge said, irritated, "You are looking for conspiracies that aren't there."  He looked back to the parchment, "This will do fine.  The Death Eaters must have taken or destroyed the bodies so they wouldn't be traced."

"Or returned them to their master," Dumbledore muttered quietly.  Fudge gave him a scalding look, "Come now, Cornelius.  Voldemort has made his presence quite obvious, even more obvious than the Tournament.  The people need a leader who will not turn a blind eye on the deaths of two very important men in our cause."

"Stop with your ridiculous theories, Headmaster," Fudge snapped, "Return to your arena and leave me to mine."

"They were my second and third students to die in less than a year because of your blind ambition," Dumbledore seethed, his eyes narrowing dangerously behind his half moon spectacles, "I expect something will be done, Minister.  Harry was not just a symbol for your damned administration.  He was a boy.  A boy who had a future with a godfather who loved him."

"I know what he was, Albus," snapped Fudge uneasily.

Dumbledore had a look on his face that betrayed his disgust, but he said nothing.  He turned and returned to the fire, "Then if you don't mind, I'm off to find some way to protect 'my arena' from yours.  Goodbye, Cornelius."

*          *            *

"Harry, come here for a moment."  Javen indicated to a chair in front of his own.  Obediently, Harry sat down, facing his new guardian.  It had been 6 days since the attack at Manticore's Den, and he had not seen a glimmer of sunlight in all that time.  Javen insisted that it was for his own protection, but that did not mean that he had to like it.

"What is it, Father?" asked Harry curiously.  Javen had been making him practicing his dueling skills to occupy his hours.  In 3 days he had learned nearly a dozen hexes and attacks.  He didn't yet know why, but he hoped Javen would tell him.

"It has been nearly a week since the attack," Javen said gently, "Don't think I haven't noticed how preoccupied you are.  You have yet to try to put it behind you.  If we cannot form a bond with one another, then all my lessons and all your hard work will be for nothing."  He drew his wand, "I suggest Contiosa Botaya.  It will make everything so much easier for us both."

"Contiosa Botaya?  What's that?" asked Harry.

"It's a fairly common spell used in families.  It allows the two people to become more connected and act as a single being during duels.  Very popular in the old days, during the first war against You-Know-Who."  He hoped Harry would open up to this idea.  This was a very difficult spell and needed the total concentration and willpower of both parties.  So he hoped he was not pushing Harry too fast; he could not afford to lose him.  But the boy was grieving deeply for his former guardian and Javen needed him to forget so he could advance Harry to the point where he was in proper condition to full-time training.  And to get him to forget, Javen needed to get inside his head.  And unless Harry allowed him to, he could not do that.

He was glad that Harry was not very familiar with wizarding families or he would know that this spell was forbidden to cast nowadays.  The spell was too dangerous and if one died, then the other was in danger since their life forces were connected.  It also gave the dominant person unlimited access to the other's thoughts with little to no restrictions.

Harry paused for a moment at the thought.  He had never heard of this spell before, but certainly Javen meant no harm.  All he wanted was to be closer to Harry and that was understandable.  Whenever he found himself having second thoughts about Javen, he just had to remind himself of Sirius.  He wanted to show that he respected Sirius' judgment and that he was an obedient charge.

  
"Shall we begin?" asked Javen, hiding his impatience.  Harry took out his wand apprehensively; it was still warm from the hours of dueling practice.  Javen instructed him quickly how to perform the spell and they began.

They crossed wands and chanted the words in complete unison.  When they had chanted the words three times, a bright yellow mist formed from the place where the wands connected.  Harry watched in mute fascination as the mist drifted upwards and thinned itself out so that each end connected their foreheads.  His scar felt itchy, but he dared not lose his grip on his wand or break concentration.

The string between the two split in the center and receded into their heads.  Harry saw Javen's eyes glow an eerie amber color and he guessed his green eyes also had the same reaction.  Soon, the traces of the spell dissipated and Harry felt it was safe to break the concentration and wand link.

"Did it work?" he whispered hesitantly.  Javen smiled at him.  Not the kind smile he always associated with the young man, but a smile that seemed filled with satisfaction and triumph.

"We'll see, Harry.  Open your mind to me.  Let me in."

At first, Harry didn't understand.  But then he found himself relaxing and clearing his mind of his worries.  Javen's presence became even stronger as his own essence flowed into Harry's head.  He panicked at first, associating this feeling with the Imperius Curse.  It felt almost exactly the same, except that his sense of self wasn't lost with the arrival of the other.  It was like a visitor just exploring.  He relaxed his guard and allowed Javen to become accustomed to his mind.  But Javen was just looking, not sharing anything.  How were they supposed to become connected if the giving was only on one side?  Sirius had never required anything like this from him.

"Of course it is different," Javen chided in his head, "You must stop comparing us, Harry.  We are different people.  We teach differently and that is how it should be.  You must learn how to adjust or this is all in vain.  I have so much to teach you if you would only let me…"

"Yes, sir."

"Yes, what?" Harry winced as Javen's disapproval shot through him.

"Yes, Father."  He felt Javen's presence calm itself down.  He found it was harder to use that word in his mind than physically.  It still felt as wrong as the first time he tried using it a few days ago.  

Javen continued his search of Harry's head until he knew everything.  When Harry felt that he was not ready for Javen to see something, the man's silent will pushed through it.  He had gained access to things that were very personal; things that made him vulnerable; things no one else knew.  Cho, his guilt still lingering over Cedric, his fear of Dementors… Javen knew it all.  

Somehow, Harry felt he should be receiving as much as he was giving.  Perhaps something was wrong.  "Father?  I can't feel you.  I don't see anything."

"Of course, Harry.  Let me show you something."  Harry was let into Javen's mind for a reciprocation of what just occurred.  He was shown through various doors in his guardian's mind, though he was shut out of most of Javen's thoughts.  He could see he was ambitious.  Ambition was a good trait as long as it was used properly.  Javen was also hungry for control and knowledge.  Also possible admirable traits.

He felt entirely drained from head to toe.  Was this how normal families bonded?  He had never heard Ron speak of this, and surely Hermione would have mentioned it.  Sirius surely had never demanded to know everything about his godson…

"I told you to stop comparing us, Harry!" Javen snapped, making Harry wince with the power he thrust his mental words with, "Don't you trust me?  What good are all my efforts if you don't trust me?"

Harry felt sorry he had brought upon these feelings in Javen, "I'm sorry, Father.  I do trust you.  It's just hard."

"I know, son.  But you must try harder."  Javen's mental voice went back down to its soothing tone.  The sharing finally ceased; leaving the two entirely exhausted.  Javen nodded to Harry and put a hand on his shoulder, "Now, everything is right between us."

The boy nodded, not really feeling as though everything was right.  It felt so wrong, but why would Javen do anything to harm him?  He could trust him; he was the only one he could trust.  

*          *            *

Sirius sighed in exhaustion and frustration.  That damned Wormtail had cast a charm over him, leaving him stuck in his dog form.  And between the random Cruciatus and Imperius Curses, his willpower was slowly leaving him.  He knew that if given the chance, he could easily rip Peter's throat out and be done with it.  Peter may be a poor excuse for a wizard, but he was not stupid.  He fashioned a chain muzzle and leash for Sirius, and kept within yelling distance of the other Death Eaters in case anything should happen.  He kept the dog in a half-drugged or tortured state almost constantly as well.  He relished in his prize and became almost drunk in his superiority over his former best friend.

Sirius tried to lick a sore that was on his hind leg, but the muzzle and short leash prevented him from turning around.  He was chained to the wall of Peter's small room, with the rat snoring away on his cot.  Asleep, Wormtail didn't look nearly as evil as Sirius knew him to be.  More like an ugly, overgrown, balding cherub.  But looks were deceiving and it did not lessen Sirius' hatred for him.  He could not even bring himself to feel pity for the wretched man when he was made fun of and tormented by the other Death Eaters and Lord Voldemort.  The demise of the hated Boy Who Lived did nothing for improving Peter's popularity among the Death Eaters.  They believed it was just dumb luck he even had his wand pointed in the right direction.  He deserved every curse sent his way, Sirius thought angrily.

Since his enslavement, Sirius tried not to think of Harry.  It was hard enough to convince himself that he needed to live without the knowledge that he killed Harry.  And where was Javen or Remus?  Surely they would be looking for him by now.  When they found Harry's body and no trace of him, wouldn't they try to look for him?  Remus certainly would.

The door to Wormtail's room opened and a tall black figure entered quietly.  It would be so easy to race out the door before anyone noticed if only those damned chains weren't so tight on his neck and face.  Sirius mentally groaned and placed his head between his paws.  Patience, Padfoot.  Your time will come.  Just wait for the right opportunity.  He repeated these phrases to himself like a mantra, knowing his temper and patience levels were not at their peak right now.

The figure roughly shook Peter as though the touch disgusted him.  Wormtail jumped with fright and stared up at the figure.  "What is it?" he asked in his usual nervous twitter.

"He wants to see you," the person answered curtly.  Sirius' ears pricked.  That couldn't be who he thought he was, was it?  Had he really gone mad and was imagining it?

"Who?" Peter rubbed his eyes, looking very much like an overgrown baby.

"Our Master, stupid," the person snapped.  Peter paled a few shades and scrambled out as fast as he could to meet his master's request.  The robed person moved to leave, wrapping his Death Eater cloaks around him tightly.

'No!'  Sirius let out a pitiful whine.  'Don't leave me!'  The person paused and turned to him as though seeing him for the first time.  Of course he wouldn't know that Sirius was here.  He was in Voldemort's Inner Circle and they rarely associated with Wormtail if they could help it.

"That can't be …" Snape's voice was filled with shock and disbelief.  Sirius let out a bark of the affirmative, silently vowing that if his old nemesis were to get him out of there, he would never have another harsh thing to say about him ever again.

Snape approached the dog, an odd expression on his face.  Sirius' heart leaped in joy for the first time in the past 8 days.  Even the trademark greasy hair and perpetual sneer was a welcome sight to the poor dog.  Surely Snape would help him…

"Sirius Black," Snape said finally finding his voice.  The dog yipped again and wagged his tail slightly.  "Master of escape."

'What is he playing at?  Peter could be back at any moment.'  He struggled against the chains that held him.  He had to get out now!  He had to make Snape understand.

Snape's sneer returned to his face, "Well, well, well.  This is an awkward situation.  You were supposed to be dead.  At least, that's what everyone told me.  You and Potter both.  I suppose I should forgive and help you like the noble person I am.  But would you have done the same for me if roles were reversed?"

Sirius whined again.  They could talk later.  He had to be free from these Death Eaters.  One could not get revenge if one was tied to the freaking wall!

"Why should I help you?" asked Snape, not getting any closer to the dog like he was revolting, "After all, you once tried to kill me.  We have been enemies for our entire lives.  I've no reason to bring you back to life and ruin that touching eulogy Fudge made for you two."

'Are you still on about that Whomping Willow prank?  I'm sorry, then!  Let me out!'  The days of confinement, sorrow, and torture finally broke through the calm persona Sirius put over himself.  He was nearly frantic now.  All thoughts of patience and cool tempers were lost.  He could hear movement above him.  Why wouldn't the bloody git just let him out?!  

"I rather like you here, Black.  Besides, I would blow my cover if I were to accidentally let you go.  Perhaps later, but not now."  With that, Snape spun on his heel and glided out of the room, his sneer still on his face.  Sirius continued barking and struggling with his chains.  Damn, damn, DAMN him!  No childhood grudge could be worth this.  But he knew it was.  Snape was ready to give him to the Dementors knowing he was innocent only a year and a half ago.  Why did he expect this time would be any different just because his godson was dead and he was in danger?

His loud barking brought the presence of Wormtail.  He was shaking slightly and Sirius had no doubt he had been experiencing the Cruciatus earlier.  He had heard from one of the rat's mutterings how he had failed in something or other.  Sirius had been drugged at the time, so he wasn't too sure what exactly had passed.  Not that he was particularly interested anyway.

"Shut up, Padfoot!" yelled Peter pointing his wand at him shakily, "You'll just get us in trouble."

'Good, you stupid prat!'  Sirius' barking got only louder.  Somehow, the knowledge that everyone thought he was dead brought on a higher sense of determination to escape.  He didn't care if everyone in the Riddle house heard him.  He was angry.  Angry at Snape.  Angry at himself.  Angry at the world for taking Harry away from him and placing him in this stinking mudhole.

"Pettigrew," a soft, angry voice hissed in warning.  Sirius paused his barking spree to stare at the newcomer.  It was that Malfoy git he had the misfortune of sharing Potions, Herbology, and Divination with at school.  Behind him, the younger generation of Malfoy stood uneasily in his father's shadow.  Young Draco, Sirius believed his name to be, looked out of place in his Death Eater robes.  His normally calm exterior now betrayed his frayed nerves.  He was probably just initiated, Sirius thought momentarily allowing himself to feel sorry for the boy.

"L--Lucius," sputtered Wormtail.

"We are trying to have a meeting upstairs, you miserable rat," seethed the elder Malfoy, "You may not be in the Inner Circle, but we are.  So shut your bloody pet up or we will shut him up for you."

Sirius growled at Lucius and barked again in defiance.  Who was he calling a 'bloody pet'?

"He's not my pet," Peter said, an ounce of pride coming into his voice, "That's Sirius Black.  I took care of his brat and took him as my slave."

Sirius' hackles raised and he growled lower in hatred.  If it was the last thing he did, he swore to kill Peter.  Nothing, not even the vivid memory of a pleading 13-year old could save Wormtail now.  He was vaguely aware that the boy named Draco was staring at him strangely.  He was fidgeting even more and looked nervously at the dog, pale as the moon.

"Black?" snorted Lucius, "The Ministry said he was killed.  That they found both him and the brat."

"Ask our lord, Lucius," Peter gloated, "He was the one who gave him to me."  He held up his silver arm in emphasis, "Doesn't he ever give you gifts?"

"Unlike you, rat, I do not need to be bribed for my services.  Come Draco."  Lucius swept his son out of the door and slammed the door shut behind him.

Wormtail glared at Sirius, "I can dispose of you whenever I want, Padfoot.  One more mess like that and I'll blow your bloody head off."

'I'd like to see you try, _old friend,' Sirius thought raising his hackles again, 'And when I get out of here, it'll be your head that will roll.'  He gave a harsh bark laugh to let the rat know exactly what he felt about him.  Peter gave him one last scalding look before leaving the room.  Sirius paced what little distance he could until his fiery temper was properly managed.  He lay down again with his head on his paws.  He could wait for as long as it took.  After all, he was once again the responsibility-free Padfoot.  No one to depend on him… and no one to care._

End Part 4

Woah, that was considerably darker, wasn't it? For those of you who have read this story before, do you recognize the new scenes I put in?  And also for those who are ready to lynch me for not updating CV, the last chapter is up now.  ^_^  BTW, I'm playing around with a new idea here.  Don't kill me if it's a bad one, but I am an artist.  As such I love the art of others.  I was wondering if anyone could submit any of their artwork to me based off of my stories.  It could be a contest and the winner could get the same thing that my 50th reviewers get.  Good idea?  Bad idea?  Anyone up for it?  Anyway, to the responses!

Darkphoenix: Swift and brutal retribution works too.  I suppose he doesn't need ALL of his limbs, but… well, fine.  You can take him home and torture him so long as he's back in one piece for his grand exit.  And I'll take your word for it about chapter 2.  I suppose you're right on those calls.  And since I got my last chapter in at midnight, it still counts as Monday and so you have to leave me my big fat review now so nyah! :P  Yes, I most certainly DO need all those limbs thank you very much!  Peter was only in a position of power because A) he knew Sirius the best and could corner him easier B) Hey, who knows? Maybe he could die in the attempt? And C) He's not a COMPLETE moron.  Any idiot can hold a wand straight.

Lily Skylo:  See? I told you he wouldn't get killed off so easily.  No one trusts me. Humph!  I hope this chapter answers your questions, but if you have any more, let me know and I'll tell all.

Someone Reading:  *Wakes up from faint * woah, that was trippy… *shakes head * ok, I'm up!  Wow, I do hope I don't cause your family to worry about your health.  You poor poor person, maybe this fic isn't good for you to read.  Maybe you should stop reading it for your own good. Jk ^_^  Yeah, Sirius' Friend Radar is a bit faulty.  It needs a tune up.  But like Wormtail, he's known this guy for a good long while.  Oh, he was definitely planning this all along, who do you think tipped off the DE's about Sirius and Harry's whereabouts?  And yes, I believe if he had to, he would have killed him himself though he would not have allowed Harry to believe he did.  He's bloody brilliant when it comes to things like that.  Yeah, Sirius will not be the easiest to control.  Wormtail pretty much has to give up on the slave bit and just keep him around like a trophy instead.  And thanks for letting me aboard, matey!  I'm liking the set up.  The anchor is perfect.  Lovin the chocolate and great great granddaddy in the living room.  For all his bad talking about Sirius in the book, am I the only one who noticed how upset he was to learn that Sirius kicked the bucket?  Where will we be settin our sails, cap'n?  Drink up me hearties, yo ho! Sorry, too much Jack Sparrow. Hehehe

Vesper Lunen:  I'm chugging em out as fast as I can edit em!


	5. Until the End of Your World

Part 5: Until the End of Your World

"The Ministry wants me to go to Dublin as a representative.  There seems to be a dispute over immigration between the two islands and they thought I could work it out.  Would you like to come?"

"Sure," Harry shrugged.  The past few days had been hard on him.  Every time he tried to think of Sirius or his friends, Javen would know and send him a harsh reprimand in his mind.  Javen insisted that he work on his dueling skills even though magic outside Hogwarts was forbidden.  Not even the long-missed sun could out-do his longing for a long rest from the constant 'lessons' and supervision of his thoughts.

"It'll be fun, and I would think you'd enjoy being outside," Javen insisted.  Harry could only nod.  The man sighed in frustration.  He could tell that the boy was stressed and tired, but he needed him to understand why he was doing this.

He made the boy don a disguise so 'the Death Eaters can't recognize you' and led the way to the street.  The trip to the Department of Transportation was uneventful.  Harry had managed to transfigure some twigs he found into a new pair of glasses.  They were a welcome change to the constant blurred world he lived in even if they weren't perfect.  Professor McGonnagal would be proud.

When they entered the offices, a large man reminding Harry of an even more pompous Fudge shook Javen's hand. "So nice to see you," he grinned, "You are the Auror the Ministry of Magic sent, I take it?"

"I am, Sir."

"And who is this?" the man looked over at Harry curiously.  Even though the boy couldn't have been 2 feet in front of him, the enchantments around him prevented the man from seeing anyone other than a normal boy.

"My son, Jonathan.  Now if you don't mind, Mr. O'Donnal, I would like to get this over with."

"Oh, of course.  Right this way, Mr. Granby."  Harry sent a questioning look at Javen, but was shrugged off.  Jonathan?  Auror Granby?  Since when did Javen need an alias?  It must be because he was the guardian of Harry.  The boy felt a wave of embarrassment and shame that it was because of him that so many people had to adjust their lives.  With the Death Eaters in constant pursuit of him, anyone with him was in immediate danger.  It had already happened one too many times and he did not want to see it happen again.

Early on in the meeting, Harry could tell that it was not going in the direction Javen wanted it to.  Mr. O'Donnal felt that immigration should be restricted to Muggle transport only while Javen stated that the Ministry wanted free transportation between countries.

Just as Harry thought the ill-fated meeting was at an end, the Irish representative started agreeing with Javen's ideas.  Of course there should be free transportation.  I shall see that it is brought before our Department Head at once.  It is a good plan, why didn't we think of it before?

Harry was astounded that the meeting had taken such a quick turnaround.  He guessed that Javen performed some sort of spell that planted these ideas into O'Donnal's head, but he didn't know how.  It had to be similar to the Imperius Curse though, by the way the Irish man was acting.  But would Javen do that?  Surely spells like that weren't even legal, let alone proper to use at a meeting.  After that, the meeting went much faster and it was wrapped up swiftly.  Javen and Harry were soon led out the door and back onto the busy street.

Harry had said nothing since leaving the hideout, but he knew Javen knew what was bothering him.  He always did.

"You are wondering how I got the representative to agree with me so fast?"  It was hardly even a question.

"Well, yeah," he felt strangely embarrassed to have questions at all.  His first lesson in life was to not ask questions.  Aunt Petunia had been a good teacher.  Javen didn't notice or mind this feeling evident on Harry's face.

"I want you to tell me something, son, and answer me truthfully.  When you have the power to change something for the better, is it more wrong to use that power so that justice is served, or to have that power and do nothing?"

Harry thought the answer was obvious, but in his years at Hogwarts, he knew that the obvious choice was not always the best one.  After all, wasn't it obvious that Sirius was after him to finish the Dark Lord's work?  Wasn't it obvious that Snape was after the Sorcerer's Stone?  Wasn't it obvious that Hagrid had raised a monster that killed Moaning Myrtle?

Javen was about to chide Harry for those offending thoughts, but their attention was wavered suddenly.  A large hand took hold of Harry's shoulders and spun him around.

"Harry Potter?  Is it really you?  H—how can you…"

"Who are you?" demanded Javen pulling out his wand.  The man never lost his gaze on the boy, his dark eyes as wide as a house elf's.  The enchantment around the boy must have failed, leaving them open to scrutiny.  Why hadn't Javen known it before?  Had anyone else seen him?  His blue eyes searched the crowds for anyone else that may have also seen the boy presumed dead.  Seeing no one, he returned his gaze to the young man before them.  Desperately, he raked his mind to find a way to lose him.

"I'm Auror Granby, Harry.  Come with me.  I'll take care of you."

'He's a Death Eater, Harry,' a strange urgent voice hissed at him in his mind.  Quickly, he ripped himself from the man's grip and stood at Javen's side.  He would not be taken to Voldemort.  Not again.  He would die first.

"Get away from him, Death Eater," hissed Javen pointing his wand at the confused man.

Granby's expression went from relief to alarm, "What are you playing at?  I've got to get this boy to the Ministry."

"You're not taking him anywhere."  Javen's voice dripped with malice.  He could see that the man was unwilling to use his wand on him, so he used it to his advantage.  The man, although young, would not be as easy to control with a simple Imperius as the Irish representative.  But if he said anymore, Javen feared that Harry would begin to doubt his guardian.  He had to go.  But how?  Again, his eyes scanned their surroundings, searching for a better battleground.

'Harry,' he instructed through their link, 'I want you to disarm the Death Eater.  Time to put your practice to use.'

Woodenly, Harry drew his wand.  Part of his mind screamed at him not to do this.  That an incident like this could very well be avoided without violence.  But the other, more rational side told him that if he did not obey Javen, he would be guilty of a true offense.  And on top of disobeying his guardian he would be taken to the Dark Lord.  So wand in hand, he joined Javen in driving the Auror away from the small masses of people and into an alley where the duel would be much more private.

The Auror reacted too slowly.  Javen could tell he was just a rookie by the way he allowed himself to be so easily driven.  Probably only in his first year out of apprenticeship.  He clumsily avoided the hexes that the two sent his way and fumbled his way through a few of his own.  Harry was vaguely reminded of Neville who was only good at Herbology mostly because it neither involved transfigured pincushions nor exploding cauldrons.

Granby slowly but surely found his training coming back to him and he was able to hold his own much better.  Trying to talk to these two was impossible, he realized.  Perhaps if he could Stun the older one, he could talk Harry out of this mindless attack.

As he was flying hex after hex, Harry wondered if he would be remonstrated for attacking so fiercely.  But that strange voice added power to his movements and urged him to go faster and fiercer.  He saw the Death Eater aim a shot at Javen and sent a Stunning spell his way before he could stop himself.  The Stun hit him dead on and sent him flying among the garbage.  With an audible crack, his head hit the brick wall and he went unnaturally still.

He stood there in shocked silence, his wand warm to the touch from all the hexes he performed.  Again, half of his mind was screaming at him to do something: run, help him, anything.  But the other half was calm and allowed a wave of satisfaction to run through his body.  He watched numbly as Javen climbed over to check the man's pulse.  He didn't need to be told what he had done.  Javen wouldn't want him now.  He'd killed a man.  He would go to Azkaban like Sirius and he would go mad…

He expected to be yelled at, to be shunned, taken to Azkaban, anything but what happened next.  Javen transfigured the body into a dead rat and put it in a trashcan.  When he approached Harry again, there was a gleam in his eye that the boy decided he didn't like.  A gleam reminiscent of Javen's look right after they performed the Contiosa.

"You have so much power, Harry," he praised, "Quick reflexes, a level head, and perfect aim.  I am so proud of you!  Well done!"

"Well done… I killed a man!  I killed him!"  Harry shouted through his tears.  "Don't you understand?  They're going to put me in Azkaban!  I killed him!"

"Harry!" Javen's suddenly angry shout was enough to drive the boldness out of Harry's voice, "He was a Death Eater.  You killed him in self-defense."

"I killed a man, Father.  I'm a murderer," Harry whispered.

Javen took him by his shoulders, "You are what I say you are.  And I say you are not a murderer.  Do not argue with me.  Ever.  Now, let's go home before any of his friends come looking for him."  

As Harry allowed himself to be led away, his worry was left behind with the dead rat in the trash.  Warmth suddenly spread from his head to his toes.  That was one less Death Eater.  And being praised by his father felt good…

*          *            *

Sirius allowed himself to be dragged down the stairs by his leash.  Wormtail had recently drugged him with a Sloth Potion.  No doubt Snape had made it for him.  Peter never could pass Potions without the Marauders covering for him all the time.

Apparently, there was a big meeting going on upstairs in the Riddle living room and Peter didn't want Sirius to cause any more trouble in his quarters.  Thus the new arrangements in the dungeon.  Sirius didn't know why Wormtail even put up with him.  He did not make a very good slave.  The other Death Eaters certainly didn't like Peter any more than they did before.  If anything, they put him on a whole level lower than Sirius, if that was even possible.  He couldn't be a very good hostage if everyone thought he was dead.  All in all, Sirius was much more trouble than he was worth.

"And you'd better not cause any more trouble, Padfoot," spat Peter turning on his heel.  Sirius snorted at the retreating form of Wormtail to let him know just what he felt about the rat ordering him around.  He was too drugged up to do much else so he paced around as much as he could.  It was no longer any use to tell himself to be patient.  It had been about 2 weeks since the attack on Manticore's Den and where did patience get him?  A dead godson and life in the hands of a rat who knew exactly how to keep a big black dog captive.  

There weren't going to be any 'right moments'.  Peter had him in complete control and would either kill him or keep him around as he felt.  The place was too heavily guarded and no one would think to find him here if what Snape had said was right.  He was dead to the world and there would be no rescue parties.  It was easier to escape Azkaban for crying out loud!  Or maybe it wasn't that.  

If he only had a purpose to escape he might have found a way.  But what motivation was there?  There was no godson to protect.  And if Remus ever saw him… he would hate him for what he did.  Or for what he didn't do.  For the first time since being orphaned at school, Remus had a real legal family, albeit a small one.  For two glorious weeks, Remus was a real godfather despite strong anti-werewolf feelings throughout the wizarding world.  And Sirius took that away from him by not protecting Harry.  Why couldn't he do anything right?

He tried to amuse himself with visions of different ways to kill and cook a rat, but try as he might, he couldn't make himself forget like he could before.  The drugs were beginning to wear off and he was enjoying the images of Remus and Harry.  God, how he missed them…

A soft sound snapped him out of his reverie.  Small feet were descending the wooden stairs.  Sirius could hear a slight whimper and a struggle not to cry.  He could smell slightly burnt flesh with a pinch of blood.  He could smell new robes and relatively clean skin.  He could feel the fear and confusion that filled the air of the cells like it was his own.  He knew who it was before they passed him.

No one was allowed to leave the meetings no matter how much pain they were in.  Draco must have fled to be alone the moment the meeting ended.  No doubt he was placed under the Cruciatus Curse and a few others.  Perhaps he had made a saucy remark at the wrong time?  Or maybe he was just an example to any other initiates.  Either way, the Dark Lord had made it clear who was in charge and who was left to kiss the hem of his robes.  He painfully rubbed his Dark Mark tattoo and favored his right leg.  

Sirius had heard stories from Harry about the boy and if he was anything like his father, then Draco was a monstrous boy.  But even that could not stop Sirius from feeling pity toward him.  His eyes were full of fear and confusion.  'Not so sure now that you made the right choice?  Gotten in a little over your head, eh?' Sirius thought, 'And if you make a mistake, your own father won't lift a finger to save you.'

Draco paused when he passed Sirius' cell.  He was unusually pale and his normally slicked-back hair was messed up.  He narrowed his eyes at the dog as though it had insulted him.  The familiar 'Malfoy glare' darkened his face, but the fear still glowed in his eyes.

"What are you looking at, dog?" he demanded weakly, "Haven't you ever seen a Death Eater before?"  The boy's voice was full of haughty pride at his new title.  Yes, he was all Malfoy.

Sirius could not and did not say anything.  His underused mind was beginning to turn.  Plans and ideas mulled over in his brain.  Maybe he didn't need that git Snape afterall…

"Are you really Sirius Black?" Draco asked, not so hostile.  Hostility seemed to take up too much energy that he did not have.  Sirius nodded and wagged his tail slightly.  He padded up to his cell door slowly so as not to unnerve the child.

"It must suck to be stuck as a dog," the boy continued.  

Sirius gave a dog-smile.  'You have no idea, kid.'

"I didn't believe them when they told me what happened.  After all, they'd tried it so many times and I knew Wormtail couldn't lift his wand right and…" He bit his lip.  It was obvious that something was bothering him.  And he didn't look so good.  He was becoming paler by the minute, "I didn't know it would be like this."  He rubbed his Dark Mark again nervously.  He no longer looked like the school bully whom Harry was always complaining about.  He was just a boy who had gotten in way over his head.  No matter what he said or what his father tried, he was not Death Eater material and probably never would be. 

Draco looked at Sirius again, "I'm one to talk.  You're the one who's stuck as a dog for that bloody rat."  Sirius wagged his tail again in response.  He could feel the boy warming up to him.  "My father would gut him if he wouldn't get in trouble for it if that makes you feel any better.  Why don't you just leave?"  

'Hmm… why didn't I think of that?  Maybe it's because I'm LOCKED UP!'  

He snorted at Draco who smirked, "I thought you were the master of escape."  

'Even Houdini needed some help time from time.'  

"Draco!"  The elder Malfoy's voice roared through the dungeon.  Draco jumped at the sound of the voice.  Sirius didn't miss the expression of fear that once again flitted across the boy's face before it was cleverly hidden away.  He mentally frowned.  Afraid of his own father…

"Yes, father?" Draco's voice drawled in the same bored fashion as Sirius remembered Lucius using when insulting the Marauders.

"What are you doing down here?" demanded Lucius, looking suspiciously at Sirius.

"Nothing," Draco's voice lost the bored drawl, "Just walking around."

"In the dungeon?  What were you doing?"  His tone got harsher and his son winced.

"I—I was curious.  I wanted to see if the dog was really Black."

"Why?"

"No reason.  I just thought that if he survived… and escaped, then he could give away our hiding place.  I was making sure he couldn't get out.  He escaped from Azkaban, didn't he?"

Sirius was impressed by the lie… and a little surprised.  Was Draco actually wondering if Harry had escaped too?  It might have been even bordering on concern.  Sirius prided himself on not missing a beat and he knew a lying Malfoy when he saw one.

Lucius accepted the lie and ordered his son upstairs.  Giving Sirius one of his own patented 'Malfoy glares' second only to the 'Snape Sneer', he followed Draco out of the dungeon.

Sirius was to learn as the days went on, that he would not be taken out of the dungeon and that Draco would be visiting him often.  Sometimes he would bring scraps of food he had managed to swipe off the table.  In return, Sirius would sit quietly and listen to the boy talk.  He did not think Draco was actually warming up to him, Sirius Black, former godfather to his nemesis.  It was more like the boy was confused with his new role and felt like a prisoner.  What better way to lose himself than in the dungeon with a fellow prisoner who didn't beat or torture him and who couldn't repeat his secrets?

*          *            *

Harry lazily floated a pencil in midair.  He didn't know why Javen was making him practice this.  He had been able to do this since his first year at Hogwarts.  But nevertheless, he was told to practice levitation for two hours.  During this time, he allowed himself to daydream.  Javen was working on something in the other room, probably something for the Ministry.  Surely he wouldn't mind.

His eyes floated to the fireplace.  He longed to be able to talk to someone.  Javen said that the Ministry reported about him to the public as hiding, so there was no need to worry and no one knew exactly where he was.  But he knew Ron and Hermione would worry anyway.  And he wanted to talk to Dumbledore and Remus.  It was boring to be stuck inside all day and night with no outside contact with the world.  Javen talked to Dumbledore and Fudge often to let them know how they were, or so he told Harry.  It was always while the boy was sleeping, so he never heard the conversations.

A hard object struck him in the face, knocking him out of his whimsical memories of the people he missed.  He fell out of his chair with the force of the blow.  When he looked up, he saw Javen's angry face over him.  He repeated his physical blow with a mental one, leaving both Harry's face and mind smarting.

"I thought I told you to practice levitation, not daydream about Sirius.  You disobeyed me."  Harry hadn't known he was even thinking of the forbidden Padfoot, until he wiped the memory of his fantastic rescue flight on Buckbeak away.  He sat up from his sprawled position to face Javen.

"But…"  

Javen slapped him again and repeated his mental blow.  Harry shrunk back, holding his hand up to his cheek.  No one, not even the Dursleys had ever used physical punishment on him before.  Sure they threatened him a few times, and was used as a punching bag by Dudley more than once, but he was never struck like that before.

"Never speak back to me, Harry!  I am your father and you will obey me."

"I—I'm sorry, Father.  I didn't…"

"Not only that, you compared your other 'teachers' and me again.  You know I don't approve of that.  You will ask me for my forgiveness."

Part of Harry's mind rebelled at having to apologize for something that he didn't even think was wrong.  Why was it so horrible to think about Sirius and the others?  But the other part that was always trying to soothe him from his rebellious spirit told him that he must obey Javen or he would be in real trouble.  Besides, whether he understood the reasons for the order or not, the order still stood and it was his duty to obey.

"Do it now, Harry!  Perhaps I should report to Dumbledore that your rebellion is becoming quite appalling."  He had hit a nerve and he knew it.  The last thing Harry wanted was a bad report to Dumbledore.  The man had given him more chances than was probably appropriate and championed his cause more than once.  He bowed his head to Javen obediently.

"I'm sorry I spoke back to you, Father.  I was wrong."

Javen put his hand on the boy's head, "Forgiven."  He sighed deeply, "I am not a harsh man, Harry.  But I expect obedience and will punish defiance severely.  I do not wish to cause you pain and I know it isn't easy. What can I do to help you move on, son?  You are not even trying to get past Sirius."

Harry couldn't deny it.  He could not and would not block Sirius from his memories.  He was the best thing that happened to him in a long time.  He was a parent, a best friend, and a teacher; as close and dear to him as Ron and Hermione.

"I forbid you to ever think of him again," Javen finished.

"Father?" Harry's head shot up in shock.

"You are not focusing like you should.  When you are properly trained in the ways of the great wizard you are to be, it will be safe for you to think of him.  It is for the best."

"But I can't just forget him!" burst Harry, not noticing that he was doing exactly what he had just finished apologizing for.  "If I put him out of my mind and heart, then I'll lose him completely and dishonor his memory."

"You dishonor it now by acting like a child.  You will obey me.  Understood?"  He sent another wave of pain through Harry's mind.  "Is this understood?"

"Please, don't.  He meant so much to me," Harry whispered.  He made no apology for his thoughts this time.  If wanting to keep Sirius alive in his heart meant that he was rebellious, then he was.  Javen could feel his defiance and frowned.

"Very well then, I see you are going to be fighting me at every turn.  Hold your hands out, Harry."

Puzzled, Harry stood up and did what he was told.  Javen summoned a strip of flexi steel ribbing.  He brought it down the boy's hands sharply, creating a large red welt.  Harry yelped in pain and quickly retracted his hands to his chest.  "I said hold them out.  Perhaps it was wrong of me to take you in.  Perhaps you would like to go back to the Dursleys.  If I cannot instill any discipline in you, it seems to be best to give you to someone who can."

Reluctantly, Harry held out his hand to Javen's steel ribbing.  Javen laid into him with a steady, calm determination.  He did not stop until he drew blood.  Harry tried to block out the pain, but Javen's mental presence told him to not block it out; it was a lesson he had to learn.

Finally, Javen gave the last hard stroke of the steel ribbing, now stained with bright blood.  Harry pulled his hands into his chest painfully, trying to make the burning feeling leave them.  He vaguely registered the fact that Javen had laid a hand on his hunched shoulder as he was fond of doing.  His mind felt that with the beating, a part of him was being ripped away.  He had lost his last connections to Sirius.  But every time he tried to analyze the feelings of 'wrongness' that filled him, a soothing lullaby drifted throughout his mind, making him want to trust Javen and please him.

"Please don't hate me for this," he said sorrowfully, "Punishing you is just as awful for me as it is for you.  I told you I will punish disobedience, Harry.  Don't make me ever do this again.  All I ask is for your faith and trust in me and my desicions."  He let his words sift into Harry's mind, making him feel sincerity and warmth.  "Now every time you move your hands, you will remember the need for obedience."  Harry curled and uncurled his raw and bleeding fingers, causing fire to jump up and down his arm.  It would definitely remind him.  Why was he so disobedient?  Why did he push Javen into doing something that drastic to make him listen?  Remorse spread through him and he apologized for his immaturity.

Javen then gave Harry back his wand from where it had fallen.  The familiar and soothing grip of the wand was now an agonizing one.  Javen made Harry practice his dueling spells for hours into the night.  Soon enough all Harry could think of was the difficult spells and Javen's instructions, struggling to remain on his feet as the evening wore on.  And that was exactly what Javen wanted.

That night, as he tried to go to sleep, Harry held his smarting hands to his chest.  He tried to ignore the agony of them, but he could not.  Javen refused to let him treat the wounds.  It was a punishment that could not be forgotten easily.  A bitter chill swept through the building, biting at him mercilessly.  He snuggled deeper into his covers, trying to escape the Irish cold.  However, Harry could not drive the coldness of his spirit as easily as his body.  

And for the first time since the beating, Harry found himself thinking about Hogwarts and all the people he met there.  He was so lonely.  And when the usual memory of Sirius, healthy and happy, came to him, he was forced to banish it quickly before Javen woke up and punished him again.  

He longed to talk to anyone; even Malfoy would be a welcome change.  Soon, all the loneliness, pain, and anguish overcame him.  For the second time in as many weeks, he cried himself sick, and then to sleep.

End Part 5

Lily Skylo: Draco? Oh… you'll see ;)  In stories with him in it, he is either portrayed as a good guy or a bad guy so I figure… why not split the difference? And I can't help but love Snape despite how I portray him.  Gotta love the redeeming sinners.  As for Peter, heck, I even have a soft spot for him.  I must be some kind of sadist or something.  Harry and Sirius do all the suffering while I barely give the villains much grief at all.  Go figure! Oh, you hate Javen now… trust me, he hasn't even started.  Just read some of darkphoenix's reviews.  She's a special 'fan' of his. And don't worry about Remus. I'll give him a hug for you.  He comes back later on.  And of course he's always a close second ;)

Darkphoenix4: Really different? I don't think so.  I added some new short scenes in the beginning started with the Weasleys and ending with Remus' reactions.  I had always meant to in the original, but never got around to it.  What do you remember? It's possible I changed more than I thought.  And ya gotta love Snape! You're probably right that he would tell Dumbledore though.  I just thought that since in the 3rd book even when he knew Sirius was innocent he was perfectly happy with both him and Remus getting their souls sucked out, he wouldn't particularly care that Sirius was a POW instead of dead. But I do think that eventually, Snape would tell Dumbledore. He just never got the opportunity. Yeah, I never really thought of what Sirius would do.  Hm… that's an interesting thought in it. I'd have to say I agree with you on that one. Oh and seriously,  the Tues. evening after I posted, I twisted my ankle in marching band practice. Was that your bad karma attacking me? I'll give Javen another kick in the butt for you though since I do torture him enough as it is.  I do apologize again for doing it last minute and cheating you into reviewing. There's a mad crazy test thing we umass kids have to take that they call the O.W.L.'s.  No kidding! It's here: www.owl.oit.umass/edu/  that link should work if you're curious.  They're as much a pain in the butt as Harry's and I sincerely feel his pain. :_(  

Lady Arwen of Rivendell: Hehe thanks, matey!  I'm glad you like the new scenes.  I wanted to put them in the original but they didn't make the final cut. Don't worry, you know how it turns out. Those two will be alright in the end. Yeah, a little worse for wear, but still in one relative piece.

Someone Reading: With a sour sweet wind at my back, the briny sea at my front, and a blanket of stars at my head, I'll follow ye to Never Neverland! Ignore me ^_^. It's 2 in the morning.  0_0* You should have a torture fest with darkphoenix.  Between you two, you guys would put Helga's House of Torture to shame. Liver on a toast?! Blood and guts?! Cannabalism?! *****hides Snape, Peter, and Javen under bed *  Hun, I think you need to stop reading this, it may not be good for your health. Jk.  Uh… yeah… hehe… tea is nice… tea is your friend… *totally scared * btw, why are you mad at Albus? You can Witch slap me if you want. Darkphoenix is already hexing off my feet and threatening to kill me in my sleep. Why not you too? Besides, it is kinda my fault ya'll are getting upset.

Calimora: It's right here ^_^ Enjoy!


	6. Breath of Heaven, Hold Me Together

Part 6: Breath of Heaven, Hold Me Together

"Everyone, out!  Move it!"  Sirius couldn't tell what the situation was, but the Death Eater using the Sonorus Charm seemed to be very urgent.  He could hear the pops of the Apparating Death Eaters above him and the nearly frantic scrambling of the others as they gathered a few items and followed suit.  Lucius called for his son who was evidently wandering around in a confused state.  Soon, Sirius could hear them too Apparating.

No one seemed to take notice of the large dog in the dungeon who was pacing about nervously.  What could make Voldemort's Inner Circles jump up and leave in less than 5 minutes?

"Freeze!" a booming voice ordered, "Get your hands up, Death Eaters!  Move it!"

Sirius' heart leaped and he started barking as loudly as he could.  He didn't know how and he didn't know why, but that hardly seemed to matter.  The cavalry was here at last!

More and more hit-wizards and Aurors entered the building, taking what was left of the Death Eater mass.  From the sounds of it, there weren't many who were stupid enough to stay.  He strained to hear the sound of Javen who would surely have asked to join the fray.  He always did like the big skirmishes, even as an apprentice hit-wizard.

He couldn't hear his old friend above his own barking, but he was sure he was there.  He must've seen them dragging Sirius away; he looked right at him.  He could hear footsteps slowly coming down the stairs.  He barked even louder to anyone who might be there.  He was weary of this bondage and he wanted out.

Not until he saw the face of the person who had descended the stairs, did Sirius stop barking.  His desperate yelps ceased as suddenly as they had started and left an eerie silence in its wake.  He was faced with the one person he feared and yet longed to see the most.  The one he had tried to stop thinking of so much during his time here for fear of driving himself mad.  

"Sirius."  Remus only said one word, but it was enough to ease some of the tension in Sirius' mind.  That one word held all the forgiveness he needed as he saw the blind relief in the werewolf's eyes.  Remus used Alohomora to undo the locks on the door and muzzle with the efficiency and calmness that betrayed his professional and levelheaded nature.  He was unable, however, to remove the locking spell on Sirius' dog form.  Sirius didn't really care.  He was free.  He stood on shaky legs, weak from the curses he had endured and the lack of food for so long.  Wormtail must not have had a pet when he was younger.  Or if he did, he did not have one for very long.

Remus watched him try to walk toward him, his tail suddenly limp and dead.  There was no spring to his step, nor life in his light blue eyes.  When he had heard the frantic barks, there was no joy in them.  He was barking for his life, with no flare involved.  His friend's normally glossy coat was covered in dust and matted with a dubious looking dried liquid.  Any weight gained since his pardon was as gone as if it never were.  His pale blue eyes were dull and lacked any of the playful mischief the werewolf usually associated with him in any form.  And Remus watched silently, with his heart breaking for the second time in 2 weeks as Sirius was unable to reach him.  The panting dog finally could walk no further as he sighed and fell onto his side, unconscious.  Remus lifted his friend in his arms and gently carried him outside where Dumbledore, Minerva, and Poppy were waiting for them.

*          *            *

"I trust you know how the Imperius Curse is performed," Javen said as he and Harry walked along the edge of a lake on the outskirts of Dublin.

"Yes, Father," Harry said timidly.  He had had another unpleasant experience with the infamous steel ribbing that morning again, leaving his hands raw and bleeding.  He was forbidden to treat it again and was beginning to believe they were infected.  And to add to his mental whining, he was lonely.  Ever since he killed that Death Eater, he had spoken to no being outside of Javen.  However, he was determined not to cry like he did before.  He was a Gryffindor and would be strong.

"Now, now, my son.  There's no need to feel bashful.  What happened this morning is done and over with.  It's all in the past.  There should be no reason for such punishment to be repeated."

"Yes, Father," Harry said again, uncurling his sore fingers.  He knew deep in his heart that something was wrong, but he couldn't put his finger on it.  He was just a disobedient brat, perhaps.  He was ungrateful to the man who saved his life and questioned his authority.  Javen was right to punish him for his rebellion.  Imagine how lenient Sirius and the others… oh no!

He put up barriers immediately between their minds.  Javen had done a good job of making the boy afraid of crossing him.  While Javen did not hear the forbidden thought, he could tell the moment he was being blocked from Harry's mind.  He also knew exactly how to get by the weak barriers and soon had full connection again.  However, his ire had risen at the boy's block and he rounded on him angrily.

Grasping Harry's shoulder tightly in his strong hand, Javen stared at him full in the face.  He knew there would be bruises from the grip, but it was a lesson the boy needed to learn and he needed to learn it now.  "You must never keep me out of your thoughts, Harry," he warned, "It is rude and unnecessary.  This link could save your life one day.  It needs to remain open!"

By now, Harry was used to physical punishment for disobedience.  He shrank back slightly from the disapproving man before him, but not enough to get away from the bruising fingers.  He knew to shirk from Javen's punishment was to invite more of the same.  It was the wizard's way to punish severely for something he disapproved of, and it was not as though he were being malicious.  He did not hit the boy in anger, but with a cool, calm mind.  All Harry felt from his end of the connection was disappointment and frustration at his inability to learn.  Harry didn't like this form of punishment, but he could not argue with them.  Javen had a way of sounding so persuasive and so intelligent, that he had the boy entirely convinced that the lashing out was all his fault.

"I'm sorry, Father," he apologized, mentally sighing at how much he seemed to be begging pardon.  This caused much frustration to know that he was constantly misbehaving and unable to learn properly.  No wonder the Dursleys wanted nothing to do with him.

"Why did you block me, Harry?  What were you hiding?" Javen demanded.

"Nothing," Harry cringed inside.  Now he was a liar too?  He did need to be disciplined.  It was against everything he had been taught, but he seemed afraid to tell the truth.  But he shouldn't be afraid, should he?

Pain exploded in his head as Javen caught the lie easily.  "Don't lie to me, Harry."

"I—I was just thinking about Hogwarts.  And I was wondering if I could talk to Dumbledore or my friends."

"Why?" he asked, perhaps a little too sharply.

"No reason.  It's just been a while since I talked to anyone.  I miss them."  Harry found it difficult to get his words out.  He really was a liar now, to top it all off.  But he was so confused, and he didn't know why.

"Is that all you were thinking about?"  Harry knew better than to lie again.  Javen probably already knew what he was trying to hide anyway.  

"No, Father.  I was thinking about Sirius again.  I didn't mean to, but I did."  He was disobedient and a liar.  He deserved to be punished.

"What am I going to do with you, Harry?  I'm trying to help you all I can.  Why can't you learn?"

"I don't know, Father.  I'm sorry.  I try to block him out, I really do."  He unconsciously rubbed his blistered fingers.  He did not look forward to the ribbing again, but he had it coming.  He brought it upon himself.

"No, I don't believe a punishment will be necessary this time.  Despite your slow progress, you are learning.  You caught yourself and stopped it on your own.  So I'll overlook it.  But don't ever try to shut me out again, all right?"

"Yes, Father."  Harry didn't mind not meeting the fiery lashes of the flexi steel ribbing any, but he knew that what he had done was inexcusable despite what Javen said.  How could he be learning anything?  All he learned so far was fear and deceit.  But that was certainly not what Javen wanted to teach him, so he must not be trying hard enough.  Javen started walking again and he fell back in step.

He looked across the lake and smiled slightly at the sight before him.  A young boy scrambled along the opposite shore, his dog yapping around him and chasing rabbits.  The dog had to easily be the size of the small child, and it was totally black from head to furry tail.  Possibly a New Foundland.  Immediately, the unbidden face of his godfather sprang to mind again.

No, he admonished himself.  Don't be stupid, it's just a dog.  Sirius is dead.  It's just a dog.  He banished Sirius' face angrily, determined to be obedient and get over a death too long mourned.  In front of him, Javen walked on, smiling softly to himself.

*          *            *

Sirius sat up slowly.  Madam Pomfrey had ordered him to stay put since he woke up over an hour ago.  Remus was asleep in a chair where he had kept watch over the unconscious Padfoot.  If possible, the werewolf's once handsome face looked even more aged and sad since the attack on Manticore's Den.

Everywhere around him felt peaceful and calm.  He was safe now and none could hurt him within these walls.  Yet he was still nervous and antsy for some reason, even after 3 days of rest in the Hospital Wing.  He could tell something was wrong, but he didn't know what.  All he could think of was Javen and that mysterious bundle he had carried away from the wreckage.  According to Remus, he was on vacation in Egypt and hadn't answered any of the owls sent to him on Sirius' request.  But what was Javen doing in Egypt if he knew Sirius was in danger?  And Harry… he fit in somehow.  But how?  He had to talk to Dumbledore.  From a very young age, Sirius, like many wizards of the world, believed that the ancient wizard could fix any problem.

He tried to get up, but Remus, who he thought was sleeping, grabbed his wrist.  Remus was never a very strong man because of his lycanthropy, but Sirius' body was not yet strong enough to fight him off.

"Lay down, Padfoot," he said smiling.  "We didn't bring you back here so you can run off again."

"I need to talk to Dumbledore," Sirius insisted, "Something's wrong."

"Everything's fine, Sirius.  Your nerves are shot."

"My nerves are fine, Moony.  I need to talk to him.  It's about Harry."

Remus' eyes darkened and he lost eye contact with Sirius.  Sirius would have regretted bringing up the obviously fresh wound that Harry had left in Remus' heart if he wasn't so anxious to talk to Dumbledore.  He could apologize later, but right now, he could not afford to be subtle and slow about this.

"Harry's dead, Sirius," Remus said softly, "He's not coming back."

Images of Javen running away with the strange bundle haunted Sirius' mind continuously.  Suddenly everything made perfect sense.

"Harry's alive.  And I know where he is," Sirius' voice was strong and steady.  Hearing himself say those words out loud eased the weight on his heart.  He knew he was right.  And he could feel Remus' hope at those words.

"Get Dumbledore for me.  Please."  Remus still hesitated.  Hope, it seemed, was not enough.  "Harry's in trouble, Moony.  Help me find him.  He may be gone forever if we don't hurry."

"Dumbledore's in a meeting," Remus said slowly, moving Sirius' words through his head.  Did he dare believe his old friend?  Had he finally snapped?  There was only one way to find out.  "I'll see what I can do.  But don't you dare move an inch from that bed.  Poppy will have a fit."

Sirius nodded and lay back, sighing in relief.  He would be able to talk to Dumbledore.  Everything would be all right.  When the Headmaster arrived, his eyes were not filled with the usual joviality that Sirius nearly always saw him with.  Remus must have briefed him on the way down.

"I trust you have a good reason for the interruption, Sirius?" Dumbledore asked.  His voice was still soft and friendly, so Sirius expected he wasn't all that upset for the interrupted meeting with the Minister.

"Harry's alive, Professor," Sirius announced, cutting to the chase.  He saw no reason in wasting time with pleasantries.

"Indeed.  Go on."  Dumbledore was listening.  That was a good sign.  But then, he would always listen.

"When the Death Eaters dragged me out of the house, I saw Javen carrying Harry away.  And now Javen has disappeared.  He took him.  I know it.  He must have led the Death Eaters there as a distraction…" he trailed off, knowing how ridiculous he sounded.

"These are serious allegations, Sirius," Dumbledore said, "Do you have any proof?  You were under a great deal of stress at the time and now.  How can you be sure?"

"I am thinking as clearly as I ever did, Professor," Sirius said.

"Headmaster," Remus interrupted, "The body…"

"What body?" Sirius' stomach fell, "There was a body?"

"Thank you, Remus," Dumbledore, "You're right."

"What body, Professor?" demanded Sirius.

"Exactly.  There was none.  We assumed that the Death Eaters took both your and Harry's bodies away so they could not be traced.  The Killing Curse was very thick in the air and the Dark Mark took a week to disappear.  We had no reason to suspect anything but the worst."

"Then how did you find me?  It's not usual for hit-wizards and Aurors to randomly attack Voldemort's headquarters unless they had a reason."

"We had an anonymous tip that you were alive and well," Dumbledore's eyes twinkled for a moment.  "It seems that you made a friend out there."

"And wouldn't Javen be called in to help with the raid?  He was one of the only hit-wizards missing from the raid."

"Why should he be there?" asked Dumbledore, "He was fired 10 years ago from the Ministry."

"Fired?" asked Remus, "But he told us he was a hit-wizard.  About to be promoted to Junior Auror status."

"He lied to us," Sirius said angrily, "And now he has Harry."

"Calm down, Sirius," Dumbledore said.  "We don't know that that's what happened.  Yes, the circumstantial evidence is strong, but we need to discuss this in a formal meeting with the Governors and Minister.  I'll arrange one for tomorrow.  For now, you need to get your rest."

"But Harry…"

"Sirius, please," the Headmaster insisted, "If he is still alive after all this time, then another day will hardly make another difference.  Now go to sleep.  I'll take care of everything."

Reluctantly, Sirius lay back down and tried not to look too upset.  He knew that Dumbledore was trying his hardest to find his godson, but it did not seem to be enough.  A day could mean the difference between life and death.

*          *            *

"Now, about the Imperius Curse we've been discussing," Javen's soft voice filled Harry's ears and mind.  He seemed desperate to get this lesson across.  "Have you ever performed it?"

"No, Father.  It's one of the Unforgivable Curses, isn't it?"

"Only if performed for evil.  Have you ever experienced it?  Can you fight it?"

"Yeah, I can fight it.  I had practice with… a teacher in my 4th year."

"That's good.  I was hoping we could advance to the next level quickly.  See that lizard over there?  Watch it.  _Imperio!_"  

As Harry watched, the lizard began doing flips and somersaults by the lake.  Javen didn't hide what he was doing from Harry like with the Irish representative.  He wanted to teach the boy how to perform this spell and needed the boy totally aware.  Then he felt the lizard's control being placed into his own mind.  Javen turned to him.

"Now you try."

Harry didn't know about this.  He was told these Curses were among the Unforgivable, enough to earn a life sentence in Azkaban if used improperly.  But if Javen said it was all right…

'Don't be afraid,' he coaxed the lizard's frantic mind, 'Do you think you could do something for me?'

He watched with satisfaction as the lizard broke into a tap dance.  Seeing Javen was pleased, he let the lizard go and watched it scurry away.

"You have a very well developed mind to control it so well," Javen praised, "But you gave it too much opportunity to refuse.  You cannot ask.  You must demand.  The Imperius Curse leaves no room for questioning."

"Yes, Father."  Harry's feeling of 'wrongness' came back to him, and he had a harder time to drive it away.  Javen knew what he was doing… he had to.  He was all Harry had to learn from until Hogwarts.

"I have so much to show you, son.  Things that you would have never been taught by those soft professors.  And you could do so well, you have the power to do it." Javen stated rather than informed him.  Then he turned to the boy, appraising him like a broomstick.  "But I wonder if you are ready."

"I'll do what I can to learn quickly, Father," Harry answered.  He had learned quickly what kind of answers to give to these cryptic questions.

"Right then.  Come with me."  Together, they walked down to the water's edge.  In the distance, Harry could make out some mermaids sunning themselves on a rock while a merman played a lyre made of a turtle shell.

"It is easy to control little mindless creatures like lizards," said Javen, "But it is harder to use the Imperius on sentient beings.  And the further away you are from the being, the harder it is for the spell to stick.  Do you understand?"

Harry nodded.  He had gone over all this with 'Moody' last year when he first introduced the Unforgivable Curses to the Gryffindors.  He could tell Javen was going somewhere with this and he almost didn't want to know what.  It dwelled too closely to the Dark Arts for his liking.

"I want you to make the merman change its tune," Javen continued as though not hearing Harry's thoughts, which would have been impossible with the connection he forced the boy to have.

Harry stared at him.  Did he actually want him to perform this for no reason other than for practice?  It was illegal.

"Come now, Harry," said Javen, growing serious, "I'm waiting.  It's not for 'no reason'.  And he'll never know if you perform it correctly.  That's the beauty of it all.  He'll think it's his own thought.  And you need to know this in case you find yourself in trouble.  You don't want to be caught unprepared.  Not like you were caught in the graveyard."  He used one of the boy's greatest regrets against him with ease.

Images of the Cedric's body and then the steel ribbing invaded Harry's thoughts and he immediately brought out his wand.  It sounded so harmless; it was just a tune.  And surely Javen wouldn't order him to do something that was wrong…

"_Imperio!_"  He could feel the merman's mind next to his, but he couldn't find a way to suggest the change of tune without totally taking the merman hostage.  And he had no intention of doing that.  He wasn't strong enough to suggest without overpowering.  Perspiration rolled down his brow and his wand hand shook slightly with the effort, but the merman played on, unchanged.

"I can't," he panted, releasing the curse from his wand.  The merman's mind was too strong to control.  "It's too strong."

"I know," Javen said, "You can't do it like that.  All control or no control.  There is no in-between.  Watch me, now.  _Imperio!_"

He was careful to show Harry how it was done like with the lizard.  He showed Harry how to carefully make your way into the mind and take total control of the being.  He was very good at it.  Within seconds, he had complete control over the merman.  And the poor creature never even knew what was happening to it.

Harry stared in horror at what Javen was doing.  This could not be right!  He could see now why the curse was called unforgivable.  The merman didn't even notice the total invasion of his mind; he had no control of what was happening.  Suddenly, the tune changed and he was flopping around in the water like he was possessed.  The other mermaids stared at him, wondering what had happened.  Some of them dove below, too unnerved by the sudden change in their friend.  Others sat back, amused at the merman who seemed to have lost his mind.

Javen was grinning with excitement and was obviously thoroughly enjoying himself.  It was a comical sight to watch the dancing merman, but Harry was not laughing nor amused in the slightest.  His eyes were wider than a house elf's and his jaw was open in horror.  How could Javen do this?!  He continued to watch in growing fright as the merman's mind finally realized that it had no control over its body.  It grew frightened and angry, frantically lashing out at the phantom captor of its mind, but unable to do more than amuse Javen the more.  Finally, the elder wizard grew bored with the stupid creature.  He wanted to see the boy's famed power at work.

"Now you try," Javen said lightly turning to Harry eagerly only to find the boy stepping back from him up the bank.

"No!"  Harry backed up some more without meaning to.  Asking a lizard to do a few tricks was one thing, but this was something he knew never to copy.  The merman's muted cries rang in his mind as control was turned over to him.  The poor being was let go by the boy immediately.  His eyes never left Javen's, though he relaxed somewhat to hear the splash of the merman as it dove to safety in the depths where no wizard could harm it.  "It's not right, Father!  I cannot do this!  Especially not to cause harm."

He knew he should not lecture Javen, knew he was in for a harsh punishment for preaching to him.  But he couldn't stand by and let this go quietly.  It went against everything he had ever been taught.  By every good instructor he ever had.  Snape wouldn't have gone so far as to pretend the Imperius was harmless.  "The merman was so scared, couldn't you hear him screaming?  This goes against everything I was ever taught, Father.  I can't do it."  He felt incredibly sorry for any damage that had been done to the merman.  But he knew the moment he had crossed the line with Javen, and he knew he was about to become even sorrier.

"You speak like those old professors at Hogwarts.  But I am the teacher now.  I can help you use your power that they would never let you try.  All you have to do is allow yourself to do so.  Now do as I say."  He let his words carry into Harry's mind like he did with the Irish representative.  But Harry had opened his eyes to what Javen was doing this time.  What he had been doing all along.  And he would not be taken captive like that innocent merman.

"It's not right, Father!" cried Harry, "Don't make me do this.  I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did."

"You think that you know the difference between right and wrong just because you are the Boy Who Lived?"  Javen's voice rose dangerously.  He would not tolerate the same lectures from this boy that he had to endure from his teachers and the Ministry for so long.  "You walk a dangerous line, Harry."

"No, Father," Harry said softly but clearly and full of strength he didn't think he had, "You do."

Javen struck him so hard that Harry was knocked onto his back gasping for stolen breath.  "This is your last chance, Harry.  Obey me now, or you will be very sorry."

Harry felt himself fill with fear of what Javen's words implied, but was left with no real options.  He was already very sorry.  Sorry for not seeing Javen for what he was sooner.  He could not do this.  He could be wrong, it wouldn't be the first time, and his mind was so confused, it was so hard to think straight.  Javen's thoughts were so mixed in with his, that he could hardly tell if his thoughts were really his own.  But what he did know was that if he went against what his conscience told him, then he would lose all sense of self.  And that was worth all the beating Javen could give him.  All the beating Javen **would** give him.

"No," Harry could barely speak through the tremendous pain Javen sent through his mind.  When he tried to rise, the pain only increased and he was forced to his knees again.  Further thought became totally impossible for Harry at this point.

"Fine," snapped Javen, "Then I will teach you the hard way since you refuse to learn on your own."

He grabbed Harry's arm and ripped the boy's wand from his grasp.  Dragging him to their shack, he threw him against the wall.  He sent a continuous wave of pain and commands throughout Harry's mind as he beat him, forcing the boy to the ground, paralyzing him with pain.

Harry didn't even try to fight back.  Javen had been controlling him too long to force the man from his mind at once.  He wasn't even sure if this was something he should fight.  He was too used to believing that he deserved what he got to try to escape this.  The familiar taste of blood filled his mouth and he closed his eyes with resignation.  He was gasping for breath and hardly noticed when Javen summoned the flexi-steel ribbing.

Hours later, he found himself locked inside a closet.  It reminded himself of the closet underneath the stairs in Privet Drive.  The closet he had been rescued from.  He silently pleaded to whatever deity may be listening to help him.  He was drowning in despair and sorrow, unable to breach the surface.  Everything hurt.  His mind, body and spirit were all in agony.  Javen had made it so that Harry barely knew who he was anymore.  Which thoughts were his and which were his 'Father's'.  

'I am your father and you will obey me!' Javen's words pounded into his head for hours on end with no sign of stopping.  It was impossible to form any coherent thought that Harry desperately needed to get his mind in order.  He leaned his aching head against the closet door.  After beating him, Javen had ordered him to remain in the closet, so remain he did.  His mind was tearing itself apart.  One part told him that he had brought it upon himself; that it was because of his lack of obedience and discipline that he was there.  The other half told him that Javen had no right to do this to him.  Or did he?  He was so confused!  It would be no large thing to use a bit of magic to open the closet without his wand.  Alohomora was an elementary spell and he hardly needed the catalyst of the wand for it anymore.  But did he have the right to?

He curled up with his knees drawn to his chest and let some stray tears run down his bloody and bruised cheeks.  If only Sirius had not died…

End Part 6

Review time!

Calimora:  Here it is, I'm sorry for the wait!

Lady Arwen of Rivendell:  That's it, I'm officially starting an 'I hate Javen' club.  Yeah he's a sick twisted guy, but I still have a place for him in my heart.  He's a victim too as you'll find out later.  Besides, he's a bad guy we love to hate!  Yeah, I usually envision Draco as a kid who's more confused than anything.  He's not an angel by any means, but he also doesn't know what he's getting into.  And Snape?  Some people said that I made him too bad, but in the 3rd book, he was plenty ready to turn in innocent people (Remus and Sirius) so I don't think leaving him chained up is really beyond him.  I think eventually, he'll think he got whatever satisfaction he wanted and finally let it slip to Dumbledore, but he just never got the chance.  No, Voldie and the DE's don't know.  Javen set it up very carefully.  Yeah, Remus and Sirius will be seen extensively in this story ^_^ enjoy!  I'll give them a big hug for you doncha worry.

Someone Reading:  Harmless?  Pfft!  Uh-huh sure. And Sirius on a sugar high is harmless too.  Don't worry, darkphoenix is behaving herself ^_^  Well how is he supposed to know Harry was alright?  If there's a killing curse, and the house is destroyed, and voldie is in a reeeeally good mood, and Sirius is also missing, then what else can he assume?  C'mon, in the 3rd book, Snape was ready to let Remus and Sirus both get the Kiss even when he knew what happened.  Do you think he'd let Sirius out of there for nothing?  He'll let him sweat it out a bit and then he'll let him out.  Now, don't kill me, but Harry is gonna get it a lot worse than just that hanging over him.  The sequel's pretty angsty too.  I really need to stop with all the depression stuff.  Thank you and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Lily Skylo:  Hehehe, now Lady Arwen of Rivendell is getting bloodthirsty.  Soon I'm going to have a raging torch-throwing mob after me!  Thanks for the encouragement and you'll get your answers soon!

Misspanther:  I sent you an e-mail after reading this review, is it still not working?

Siri Kat:  I will and here it is!


	7. Hints of Tattered Silk Wings

AN: *sigh* this thing fought me tooth and nail.  That and school are responsible for this wait. 20 credits per semester, what was I thinking?! *smacks head*  So sorry, ya'll.  Hopefully the others won't be half as bad.  Oh, and may I make a shameless plug?  I have added a new ficlet.  Nothing much, but it's one I'm proud of.  It's the one called 'The Writer Canturbury Style'.  Please check it out? *puppy dog eyes* Oh, and I've issued a challenge on my bio page incase anyone's interested.

Part 7: Hints of Tattered Silk Wings

Sirius nearly ran to the Great Hall where the Governors, Professors, Headmaster, and Minister waited to talk to him.  They had all been briefed by Dumbledore as to his view on the situation and were interested in what he had to say.  There had been a 4-hour delay on the meeting due to other issues that came up and he was eager to get it done and over with.  The sooner he presented and proved his case, the sooner he would be able to look for Harry.

Remus walked alongside him, trying to remain a steady backbone to his impulsive friend.  But it was hard to remain calm himself, when he also felt like going out on a crusade.  He knew it was neither logical, nor productive, but it felt better than remaining at Hogwarts doing nothing.  He had made it perfectly clear to the guilt ridden Sirius that he did not hold him responsible for the attack or losing his godson.  There was no need to fear the werewolf's wrath.

Taking a deep breath and receiving a reassuring smile from Remus, Sirius opened the doors to the Great Hall.  The assembly regarded him calmly, obviously trying to make sure he was perfectly sane before risking their Aurors' lives on a wild goose chase.

"Welcome, Sirius Black," Minister Fudge greeted with no emotion.  Sirius choked back a sneer.  He was never very fond of Fudge, before or after Azkaban.  And the feeling was obviously mutual.  There was not any love lost between them.

"Thank you for allowing me to meet with you all," Sirius said politely, not bothering to conceal his wish for quick action and little talk.  They would not indulge him on that.

"We never expected to see you again," old Mrs. Figg remarked.  "You must have quite a tale for us."  He hadn't known the Order of the Phoenix was there as well.  Even from 30 meters, he could smell the stench of cats all over the old woman.  Some days it didn't pay to have some remnant senses of his alter form.

"We are eager to hear about it," finished Moody, "Why don't you tell us about your little escapade?  We were so sure you had died in your house."

"So I've heard."

"So go on then.  Tell us your story," requested Fudge.  "We're all very …"

"Beg your pardon," Sirius said, impatiently, "But I think that…"

"We need to understand the facts, Sirius," Dumbledore said soothingly, "If you would please…"

Reluctantly, Sirius began to tell them about what happened after being dragged from what remained of Manticore's Den.

*          *          *

Harry didn't know how much time had passed.  But he knew by the ability to think clearly meant that Javen was now asleep.  He had decided a long time before that the situation could not go on like it was any more.  If he was wrong and misguided, then he needed to hear so from someone he respected and trusted above everyone else.  

At this point, only the wise Headmaster could clear up the boy's confusion.  With a bit of guilt, Harry used Alohomora to open the lock on the closet.  He was only 10 feet from the fireplace, not such a long ways away.  He could call the Headmaster and be back in the closet before Javen ever woke up.  But he had to know.  If he was a hopeless case, then Dumbledore would tell him and he would know beyond any further doubt.

*          *          *

After Sirius had finished his story, they told him everything they knew, which, to his immense frustration, was not much.  But when he heard that Javen himself had called to report their deaths, he was then thoroughly convinced that he knew where to find Harry.

"Javen has betrayed us all then," Fudge sighed.  Sirius fought himself not to scoff at the Minister stating the obvious.  "He definitely knew about Sirius being alive, and my people have confirmed he is nowhere near Egypt.  And my owl has yet to return from its mission to find him.  It seems he has gone into hiding."

"I feared he might do something like this," Dumbledore said heavily, "I had hoped the signs I saw would lead to nothing.  I was wrong."

"What do you mean, Dumbledore?" asked Sirius.  He had known Javen only since after graduation and knew very little about his past.  Being a few years younger, Javen had little contact with the Marauders other than as a possible victim to their pranks.  Only James knew the younger boy well.

"Ever since he was a student, he had shown a particular fancy in the Dark Arts.  Voldemort had orphaned him at a young age and he was so full of anger… I had hoped his longing for control was just an angry adolescent's way of reacting.  There were so many of my students without parents at that age… I just did not know how to protect you all."  Remus' eyes glazed slightly as he thought back to those days.  Yes, there were so many deaths back then.  Too many.  And there was not one of his generation untouched by the first war.

"When he joined the Ministry as a hit-wizard," continued Fudge, "We saw a lot of potential in him.  He was magically powerful and had the will to succeed.  But he was too angry and bent on revenge to function properly.  We fired him about a year after for his aggressive behavior.  Then he started causing problems.  Not large ones, but we had a few serious crimes on his record.  Spent about a month in Azkaban for assault and battery on a superior ranking Auror.  After that, he was on parole for a while.  We decided to let him continue to practice magic under supervision.  That was at the end of last year."

"Has anything happened to him since then to cause concern?" asked Remus.  He had obviously made a connection that Sirius had failed to make.  The werewolf felt that there had to be something to make Javen pay more attention to Harry.  Something that could answer for his traitorous behavior.

"Only one thing," answered Moody gruffly, "He came to us complaining about constantly being rejected when he applied to adopt.  We felt that his records proved him incapable of being a parent."

Sirius was barely able to keep his infamous temper in check.  His godson was out there somewhere, no one knew where, with a paroled former hit-wizard that no one trusted and probably thought he was dead.  If Javen lied to everyone in the wizarding community, then it was a safe bet to think he lied to Harry as well.

"So Javen wants Harry as a trainee?  He'd never go along with it.  He knows what Dark Magic feels like." 

"But that's just it," Mrs. Figg said, "Javen doesn't behave like one who practices the Dark Arts.  That's why he was only paroled instead of having his wand snapped.  We just thought he was overeager with a bad temper.  It seems we may have been wrong."

May have been!  Of all the… "Concerning he has kidnapped my 15-year old and held him for whatever purpose for about a month now, I'd have to agree," Sirius growled.

"We didn't want to be hasty," Fudge said defensively, "It was a delicate matter.  Javen's family was a prestigious one and public opinion…"

"Keep your public opinion, Fudge," Sirius snarled, ignoring Remus' glares to remain silent, "Harry is out there with a wizard you should have kept a closer eye on, instead of worrying who would make Wizard of the Year in the Daily Prophet."

"Look, Black," Moody growled, "We don't even know if Javen has Potter.  The circumstantial evidence is great, but that's all it is.  Circumstantial.  Trust me, boy.  I've been doing this longer than you've been alive.  We need to be careful.  Harry could be continents apart from Javen or he could be dead.  We don't know.  Hot heads won't get us anywhere if you have any…"

His words were cut off abruptly as a small voice, barely above a whisper called out 'Hogwarts!'  A giant flame grew in the dormant fireplace behind the teachers' table and was replaced with the form of a small 15-year old.  Everyone could see him, but as the Headmaster was directly in front of the fire, he was the only one seen by the boy.  Harry did not seem to hear the collective gasp of everyone in the room as his liquid green eyes raised nearly fearfully to meet his mentor's.

"Professor Dumbledore," the soft voice reverberated through the room.  A hot knife sank into Sirius' heart at the sound of it, "I'm sorry for interrupting, Sir.  But I need to talk to you.  I need to talk to someone."  His last sentence was more of a pleading than a request and his voice cracked.  Sirius stared in horror at the boy.  The fire was fuzzy, but the pain on Harry's face was clear.  His voice was low and heavy.  There were three long, dark marks on Harry's face to join a black eye and lips twice their normal size.  His normally bright green eyes were hollow and haunted.  He held his head as though he were an old man laden with arthritis.  And his face was too gaunt to be considered healthy.  What in the world had Javen done?

"I don't want to question you, or Fath… Javen's," He shook his head sadly though it was obvious the slight movement pained him.  "But I can't…"

"Harry!" exclaimed Dumbledore, "Where are you?  What happened?  We were so worried!"  His eyes were filled with concern for the young boy.  

Harry looked up from his submissive stare at the ground.  His eyes were now filled with confusion, "But Father told me… Didn't you…" his sentence was cut off as he either heard or sensed someone behind him.  He turned around and his cry was cut short as the fire was snuffed out by a great gust of wind.

Dumbledore turned to a hit-wizard who had accompanied the Minister to the meeting, "Trace that fire!" he ordered, leaving no room for argument.  The young man fled the room at once.

  
Sirius stood there transfixed as the hot knife twisted a little further into his gut.  The sight of the boy's abused body would not leave his mind.  It took several moments to control his emotions enough to let him speak.  "Is that proof enough for you?" he growled murderously, his voice sounding very much like a snarling dog. 

Remus stared at him warily as though he might go insane and attack everyone.  He knew that gleam in Sirius' eyes.  It was the same look he had seen in the Shrieking Shack when Sirius was explaining how Peter betrayed the Potters.  And he knew it was a waste of breath to try and calm him down.  You may as well try to tame Remus on a full moon and have him play fetch.

"Indeed," Fudge said in his usual pompous manner.  He didn't seem affected by the sight of Harry, frightened and in pain before them.  Was it because he had seen worse?  Remus didn't want to see anything worse.  And Sirius looked as though he would lash out at the Minister if nothing was done swiftly.  The werewolf didn't think that was such a bad idea.  From the stories of the Minister that both Harry and Padfoot told him, he was beginning to seriously dislike Fudge very much.  And it took a lot to anger the usually peaceful Moony.

Dumbledore looked very old and sad, not seeming to see the silent battle between the three.  He cared deeply for Harry, and not just because he was the Boy Who Lived.  It took considerable effort for his mind to remove the image of Harry's haunted eyes that were in place of his normally bright ones.  Fudge would take forever in getting a strike team together and even longer to actually do something.  What they needed was action and not politics.

"He called Javen 'Father'," Dumbledore said, trying to be the voice of reason, "It was clear he thought Javen had our permission to take him."

"You're right, Sirius," Minerva said, her voice husky with sadness, "He needs to be found right away.  There is something else going on that I do not like one bit."

The young hit-wizard entered the room again with the name of the place where Harry had called from.  All they knew was that he had called from somewhere in Dublin, but everyone knew that if Javen had an ounce of sense, which he seemed to have a great deal of, he would take the boy and run as far and as fast as he could.  But it was their only chance.

"You and Remus may go to Dublin and search there as soon as you're ready," Dumbledore said to Sirius, "The rest of us will form search teams and spread out.  I'll go call our contacts on the mainland."

"Don't worry, Sirius," said Professor Flitwick, jumping down from his perch on his chair, "We'll find him."

"Let's hope to Merlin the child doesn't pay too dearly for contacting us," Professor Sprout murmured to herself; her words not meant for the enflamed ex-convict.  She didn't know if he heard or not, for he was already a dog bounding out of the room with the werewolf at his heels.

*          *          *

Harry couldn't think, couldn't move, couldn't breathe.  Not since the first blow fell.  Javen was beating him to an inch of his life, and he actually felt a tinge of fear that he would not survive long enough to be found.  The man was angrier then Harry ever thought possible and did not doubt that if the man lost any more control then real damage would certainly be dealt out.  He could feel himself beginning to black out, but Javen was in his mind still, and would not let him.  Every pounding of flesh against flesh was felt entirely with no haven of unconsciousness in sight.

"How dare you!" Javen was screaming over and over, "How dare you disobey me like that!  How dare you!"  He threw Harry to the floor, not bothering to be careful or lenient this time.  "Face the wall, Potter," he ordered.  And again when Harry didn't move, "Face the wall!"  Still Harry didn't move, "I am your father and I am telling you to face the wall!"

"N—no you're not," Harry said weakly, finding some strength to get to his feet, although a bit shaky.  "You're not my father… Sirius never appointed you godfather.  It was Remus all along, wasn't it?  You lied to me!  And you lied to them!  You've been lying for weeks!  You're not my guardian and you never will be!"

Javen advanced upon the slowly retreating Harry.  "You're wrong, Potter," he said darkly, "And I punish ignorance dearly."  He reached out for Harry, but his hand was shoved away.

"Stay away from me, Javen!  You've got no right!"  For the first time in a month, Harry could see clearly.  It was like a heavy blanket was finally pulled up away from his eyes.  He could finally see all the anger, sorrow, and need for revenge that was buried beneath a calm and cool exterior.  The intensity of Javen's dark thoughts in his mind made him dizzy.

Javen knew the moment he was revealed to the boy.  And he watched helplessly as his hard work fell to pieces before him.  Deciding there was nothing left to lose, he advanced once again on Harry.  He flung him across the room and kicked him over.  Forcing him to face the wall, he held him there with an iron grip and pounded into the young flesh with all the fury and rage that he had struggled to control for years.  Although Harry tried to fight back, his efforts were useless as his feeble arms were nothing to the seasoned ex-hit-wizard.

*          *          *

Sirius paced outside the small shack impatiently.  He was finished searching the surrounding lake and woods and was waiting for Remus to exit with his findings.  It had been three days already since they began their search in Dublin, first making sure that Javen was no longer around in any surrounding dwelling.  He knew that it was irrational to expect it to be easy and that Remus was much more likely to find small clues that he would just step over, but he wanted to find his godson and get Javen as soon as possible.  

It was not surprising to him that praises were never sung of his patience, but then again, he had a lot to be anxious about.  He was firmly convinced that Harry had already given him a fatal case of stress ulcers.  He was also sure that the boy would be the leading cause of Sirius' death that was bound to occur by the end of the year at the rate things were going.

Finally, he saw the tall form of his friend exit the hut which reeked of Javen and Harry.  He looked more somber than usual, which was really saying something considering the circumstances.  Sirius ran up to him eagerly.

"What did you find, Moony?" he asked before Remus could even shut the door behind him.  Remus looked reluctant to answer but did so anyway.  He would have preferred to sit down and process what he had experienced in the shack first.

"We're close on their trail.  They had to have been here just a few days ago."

"But they could be anywhere by now," Sirius protested, knowing very well that whining rarely accomplished anything.

"I know.  What do you want me to do about that?  They used the fire to travel and left a magical trail behind them.  It could be a ruse, but whatever it was, the Floo connection was broken on the other end.  The fire is useless."

"What else did you find?  I know that look in your eyes," Sirius' voice grew softer, seeing obvious pain in his friend.  Remus looked at him and shook his head.

"We don't have much time, Padfoot.  Even someone who didn't have a werewolf's senses could have smelled all that blood.  Javen, it seemed, was not happy with him for contacting us.  From the amount of blood I saw, I don't think he killed him but…"

Sirius growled low in his throat, "I'll kill him.  I swear I'll…"

"Padfoot!" Remus' voice was sharp, momentarily startling Sirius, "Would you please think of the situation at hand?  That's exactly why I wanted to check the shack and not you.  I knew how you'd react to it all.  I wouldn't mind paying a visit to Javen on a full moon myself, but we need to focus.  It is imperative that we find Harry and I need your brains on this.  Don't freak out on me."

"Sorry," Sirius mumbled, managing to push back his thoughts of vengeance, "I'm not being much help, am I?"

Remus smiled slightly, "Just don't start blowing up streets and I think we'll be golden.  We'll find them, I promise."

"Thanks for the help, Moony.  You're being really patient with me.  I just want Harry back."

"I know, Sirius.  I want him back too.  For once, I know how you felt when you broke out of Azkaban.  He's my godson now and I'll follow him to the ends of the Earth if I have to.  But we must be patient and try to outthink Javen."

"I can't believe James and Lily actually thought I'd be a responsible parent," he muttered to himself, "I can't even focus on finding my own son."

"On the contrary, Padfoot.  Your love and devotion for Harry does you credit.  They knew how much you would give for him.  Thirteen years of imprisonment, breaking into Hogwarts, living off rats just to be close by, and risking your freedom, life, and soul for him…I couldn't appoint him a better guardian."  

Sirius allowed himself momentarily to enjoy the praise before putting it away for later recollection, "So where did you trace the fire?"

"To a small island on the other side of Ireland.  I think he's expecting us to widen our search and never stop to think he actually moved very little.  What do you think?"

"I think that's exactly what he wanted us to do.  He thinks that I'm either dead or incapacitated and that you will be unable to function through various emotional and physical ailments.  He's good, but we're better.  We're still the Marauders."  He gave a semi-winning smile.  Remus returned the smile.

"My thoughts exactly."

Review Time!

Siri Kat:  *hands out some brand name Ti's Tissues*  Believe me, the tears have not yet begun to fall ^_^

Schnickledooger:  Hehe calm down mon ami!  All will be revealed soon.  Harry is not so weak as to allow this to happen.  Sirius gets to jump into action soon I promise.  And Javen will get his eventually.

Calimora:  Oh thank you so much.  I'm glad that someone looked into some of the smaller things like that.  And Harry has only begun to fight back I promise.  But no one's completely safe yet.  Not till chappie 11.

Someone Reading:  Oh I'm sorry I made you wait so long.  But the sequel is absolute rubbish I swear!  -_-()  I can barely read either this story or its sequel without wanting to delete them sometimes.  They never come out the way I want them to.

Black Rose 9:  Thank you, I'll do my best.

Wicked Misty:  I totally agree ^_^ they're just asking to be abused aren't they?

Ilovepadfoot:  Y'know, I've always held a little place in my heart for Javen.  As said before and as others will point out later, he really is a tragic victim at times.

Lily Skylo:  Hi!  I've missed you in my time away from the computer.  Matches?  Nopers, sorry.  They're not allowed in my dorm.  Honestly, I can't understand why the school officials don't trust us poor misunderstood college students *angelic look*  You guessed right, it was Draco, but don't let that fool you into thinking he's any less of a beast.  He had his reasons and none of which have to do with him going good.

XxXMelJayXoX:  Hi again!  There are 11 chapters in this story, right? *checks files* Yeah, 10 at the least, 11 at the most.  Sorry, can't find the exact number at the moment.

Snuffles:  Oh I'm sorry I have been taking so long.  Are you still interested in reading the rest via email?  There are about 10 chapters total and I'm always eager for someone's honest opinion.  Believe me when I say that nothing I write is ever abandoned.  I do finish things eventually ^_^ even if there is evidence to the contrary.

Beren's-Wife:  ^_^ Is it sad that I know the meaning of your name?  Honestly, I have to get out more often instead of sticking my nose in a book.  Viva la Tolkien!  Er… something like that

Hi:  Hi!  I will don't worry

Almusssusa:  It all works out in the end, you'll see

Japonica:  Understandable, don't fret ^_^  *blushes* Thank you, I am really honored by that, because I hardly feel I deserve any of that.

Adaa-Chan:  Ohayo!  Wow, you need to keep away from the caffeine ^_^  I'm addicted to dark and depressing.  There needs to be a support group for people like us, neh?

ParanoiaIn2005:  Thank you! I love well rounded reviews like that *big hug*  Do you mind pointing out any awkward points?  I'm always on the quest to improve and lordy knows I need it ^_^

Eternally*Mine:  Yeah, I'd say I have an inkling on what will happen next lol.  Yeah, Javen won't know what hit him by the time our overprotective pup gets through with him.

DEALWITHLATER:  I will I will I will!  Sometimes I really don't like college and all the time it consumes nowadays


	8. Hear My Silent Prayer

A/N:  Well, hello everyone!  There are only 2 more chapters after this one, so get ready for everything to start wrapping up soon.  I wrote a new story that is dedicated to my 50th reviewer, ParanoiaIn2005.  It's called 'Perfect Love… Gone Wrong'.  I am a little disappointed in its poor showing with the reviewers, but oh well that's life.  I ask that ya'll please check it out and let me know what you think.  It's a little strange, but I enjoyed writing it.  I also have 2 new Star Wars things up, if you're interested in that, I recommend at least 'It's Harder Than It Looks.'

Part 8: Hear My Silent Prayer

Harry's world was a living hell.  A never-ending whirl of pain and anguish that left no room to escape.  Javen would leave him no room for thoughts of any kind, nor any reprieve of the attacks.  He only remained awake through it all because Javen would not let him enjoy the sweetness of unconsciousness.  He had no concept of time anymore.  It only passed with fear, sweat, blood, tears, and pain.

Javen, on his part, had given up trying to make Harry see it his way and was determined to break him completely before remolding him into what he wanted.  It was a shame, really.  A broken spirit was never as strong as one who was never broken.  And it seemed almost sacrilege to have to break the Boy Who Lived.  But it was the only way; Harry had left him little choice in the matter.

He made sure to move as fast as he could from the shack in Dublin in case someone had traced Harry's call.  He knew that without 'perfect clever Padfoot' or that crazy werewolf on his trail, there was barely anyone else who knew how his mind worked.  And he had even taken precautions to find a place with silver ores running below the ground in case Remus was on his trail.  He would never think to explore further in a place where even the earth was hostile to him.  Dumbledore was brilliant, of course, but he could never think like Javen.  And the others were all a bunch of Ministry brats.  He could just stay right where he was until Potter was safely in his power once again.

Footsteps echoed ominously in his corner of the cave and Harry involuntarily curled further into a ball, trying to make himself disappear.  His mind was in continual agony from the struggle that was always occurring between him and Javen.  And every so often, Javen would drag him out and beat him to wear him down.  He knew that Javen was trying to break him, but was determined not to let him.  For as long as he lived he would never give in to the darkness that Javen was trying to force him to accept.  He would die first.  And, he realized bitterly, that day might soon be at hand.  

Surprisingly, he was not at all afraid of death.  No, there was nothing to fear in death.  Dumbledore said it was only the last great adventure.  And all the people he loved were there to greet him.  Loving and sweet Lily, his mother who gave her life so he might live a life without fear.  Brave and strong James, who defended his wife and child so they might escape, knowing that his son would have a father in Sirius.  And, of course, Sirius.  Clever, wise, loving, brave, strong Sirius.  He would be able to see them all and never again be apart from them.  No more threat of Voldemort, no more harassment that came with being the Boy Who Lived.  He was really beginning to wish that Javen would kill him.  Just to see Sirius again at least.

Javen's blows knocked him from the place of peace in Harry's mind.  His body screamed in torment, telling him it could not take much longer.  He bit his lip and grit his teeth, but there was no longer use in trying to fight back the cries.  It just hurt too much.

"Make me stop!" screamed Javen in his ears and mind, "You can use your power to make me stop.  Just reach out for it!"

"No," moaned Harry, "Never… no.  Please, Javen, don't make me."  No matter how much pain he was in, he knew that it was too high a price to pay.  To reach out and fight Javen like this was to touch the darkness that he was fighting alongside Dumbledore to stop.  He would begin the same unstoppable spiral that young Tom Riddle underwent over 50 years ago.  And he knew that once he followed Riddle's path, there was nothing that could stop him from becoming a second Voldemort.

Instead, he reached for the magic that he knew to be good.  He knew that one did not need a wand in order to make things happen.  He had done so with Dudley plenty of times to know this.  But it would not answer him.  He was on his own, his fledgling power drowned out by the strength of Javen's darkness.  He stopped fighting Javen and tried to reach into his mind with the magic filled with light and happiness.

Harry cried out louder, willing himself to be heard, "It's not too late, Javen.  You can stop this!  Let me go and I can help you!"

For an instant, he could see a brief pause in Javen's actions.  A yearning, desperate look came across his face and Harry could see all the pain that the man endured throughout his life to become what he was now.  But he could not stop this anymore than Harry could.  He had given too much of himself over to it to turn back now.  He was as dedicated to the Dark Arts now as Harry was to the Light.

Javen lashed out at him again, making Harry fall against the stone wall and opening a cut across his back.  He stepped on the boy's wrists to keep him from moving.  He barely registered one of them snapping painfully and the boy's cries of pain.  "It's too late for that now, Potter.  Don't think you can change my mind," he hissed vehemently.

*          *          *

"Are you sure this is it?" asked Sirius, after they had Apparated to a cliff overlooking an island in the distance.

"Am I not Moony?  Trust me on this.  Transform and take a sniff."

Sirius complied and could immediately detect the faint scents of Javen and Harry.  The scents were fading due to the windy nature of the north side of the island, but he could definitely tell that they were here not too long ago.  And the trail seemed to move out to the water where a small rocky island lay in wait.

"Think they're down there?" asked Sirius, transforming back.

"I'm sure of it."  Remus' breathing suddenly became labored and ragged as they approached the cliff.  He clutched his heart and immediately backed away.  Sirius held him upright with a grip on his back and right arm.  Concern was written all over his face.

"Moony?  What's wrong?  Talk to me, Moony!"

Remus said nothing, but backed away even more, until he was nearly 40 yards from the cliff.  He was pale and shivering slightly, his white highlights standing out even more than usual.  All of a sudden he looked twice his age.  Sirius forced him to sit on a tree stump to collect himself.

"What happened back there?" asked Sirius, "What was it?"

"Silver," rasped Remus, swallowing down nausea, "The place is full of it.  There must be a large silver vein underneath here.  I can feel it everywhere."  He looked like he would be physically ill any time now.  "It's in the air, water, earth…" he shook his head, trying to get a hold of himself.  He was beginning to break into a cold sweat.  Silver to him was like crucifixes and garlic to a vampire.  The mere presence of it got him ill and clammy.  And long exposure could do worse.

Sirius allowed his friend to take some time to relax.  He knew that Remus had to get out of there before the silver ores really did some serious damage.  The wolf alternated between taking deep breaths to slow his heart and shallow ones to minimize the silver exposure to his burning lungs.  Sirius knew he would have to go on alone.  

"Damn you, Javen," he swore underneath his breath, "You really thought of everything, didn't you?  Knew that the werewolf was the only one who could track you."  He turned back to Remus, "Listen, you can't stay here.  I'll go down to the island and get Harry.  You Apparate to Hogsmeade and go to Hogwarts for Dumbledore.  He'll know what to do."

"You can't stay here alone, Sirius," panted Remus trying to stand up.  Sirius stopped him.

"Yes, I can.  And I will.  Just get a few Aurors here on the double in case I can't take Javen by myself or if we need a rush to St. Mungo's.  You can't stay here, that's obvious."

"But…"

"Get out of here, Moony!  You can't help with all this silver around, and I can't worry about you too.  I'll need the back-up."

Finally, Remus nodded.  He stood up shakily and took out his wand.  Putting a hand on his friend's shoulder, he said in a raspy voice, "Take care of yourself, Padfoot.  Don't do anything stupid."

"Of course not.  I'll give Javen a good curse for you."

Nodding, Remus stepped back and Disapparated from the area, leaving Sirius alone.  He turned back to the island where he thought he could hear a boy's cries.  Perhaps it was just the wind, though.  Transforming into a dog, he made his way to the cliff where he could simply jump down and swim to the island easily.  He knew he would not be back without Harry or his body.

'Hold on, Harry,' he thought, a strange calmness sweeping over him as his brain worked through a plan, 'I'm coming for you.  Just hold on a little longer.'  He reached the shore in record timing and trotted to the mouth of a deep cavern.  Taking a deep breath, the dog silently entered the gaping hole.

*          *          *

As he made his way through the deep the cavern, Sirius could almost touch the fear and pain surrounding him and knew that it was Harry's blood that he could taste in the air.  The hell with stealth, he thought.  He had to let Harry know that help was on the way.  Letting loose a string of loud barks, he sent out a silent plea for the boy to hold on just for a little longer.

Through the haze Harry was living in, he could hear a very familiar sound.  'I must be dying, then,' he thought happily, 'Sirius is here for me.'

Javen knew those barks too.  His mind was in a near state of panic.  How had Sirius survived and found him?  He had been so preoccupied with breaking down Harry, he didn't bother with illusion charms on the island.  It was a fatal mistake and he knew it.

He leveled his wand with Harry's scar. "Chose now and forever, Potter," he said, "Me or death."  He put forth all his mental strength in a last-ditch effort.  But he knew the boy's answer before he gave it.

"I'll never join you." Harry's voice was strong and steady for the first time in days.

Javen sighed in frustration.  So be it, then.  He raised his wand and aimed between the boy's fading green eyes.  At least the boy would die on his terms.

Harry closed his eyes, preparing for death.  He would never be able to block or fight the curse even if he wanted to.

"_Avada__ Keda_…" a large furry body collided with the wizard and he couldn't pronounce the last syllables.  A sharp kick by a leg knocked the wind out of him temporarily and he felt his wand being ripped out of his grasp by tiny razor blade teeth.

Harry barely registered what was going on until the small scuffle was over.  When he looked again, he saw the beloved form of Sirius standing protectively over Harry and holding two wands.  Javen's and his own.

"Touch him again, and I swear to Merlin I will tear you apart!" Sirius snarled, his voice dripping with venom.  His jaw was set and his eyes held a murderous gleam in them.  But inside, his mind was working perfectly.  The old schoolboy Padfoot was back.  The one who could turn Snape's final exam potion into a vat of shampoo and not get caught.  The one whose idea it was to become an Animagus for Remus' sake.

"Sirius!" exclaimed Harry in surprise and joy.  Any thoughts of the peace death offered were swept from his mind immediately.

"Everything will be all right, Harry," Sirius said, not risking a glance at him, "Just lay back and relax.  It's ok."

Javen grinned from his doubled-up position, "Is it really?"  

Harry cried out at the pain that ripped throughout his mind again.  It was useless to try to hold in the pain.  It had gone on too long.

Sirius turned around at the cry and knelt at his side, forgetting Javen.  "Harry?  What's wrong?  What is he doing?"

He heard Javen's approach too late.  Javen leaped at his wand, not caring that Harry was being nearly trampled in the process.  Sirius reacted quickly, pushing him away from Harry so the fight would not include him in the crossfire.  He lost Javen's wand to him, but he still had his dueling skills.  This was the part he knew he would enjoy.

Javen sent a string of curses at Sirius and a few at Harry when he could get a clear shot.  If he could just get Sirius to lose his focus and temper, he would have him where he needed him.  Sirius in return was forced to resort to a defensive position as he was blocking Harry as well as himself from Javen.  He managed to tune out the pained cries of the boy as his mind was being literally ripped apart.

Harry watched in mute anxiety as Sirius became quickly tired from protecting them both.  He had to help him somehow!  He could see his own wand hanging on Javen's belt.  If he could only get it… but Sirius would never let him get that close to Javen and he doubted he could get there on his own.  

"Sirius, my wand!" he cried out, ignoring Javen's assaults on his mind.  Sirius nodded curtly and summoned the wand quickly.

Javen snarled and sent a powerful curse in the boy's direction that neither of them could block.  Harry crumpled over, not able to use a single spell.  Sirius looked to see if he was all right, but forgot to watch his back again.  Javen sent a searing fire hex at his shoulder, causing him to yell out in pain.

He was forced to turn away from Harry and to once more take the defensive.  He let loose a string of stunning spells, noting unhappily that Javen managed to block or dodge them all.  The spells instead hit the cavern walls and knocked down many large boulders.  The area was becoming increasingly unsafe by the minute.  These curses could start an avalanche any second.

"We have to get out of here!" he called to Javen, "It's not safe here."  He took a deep breath before continuing.  He could not possibly defeat and kill Javen as much as he wanted to.  It was up to Fudge to deal with him.  He swallowed hard.  "Just let it go.  This doesn't have to end in death."

Javen narrowed his eyes at Sirius, "I don't need your bloody help!  I have tapped more power than you ever will!  I see the same thing in your eyes that I saw in Harry's eyes and in the eyes of those bureaucrats at home.  You all pity poor orphan Javen.  I don't need your pity or your help!  All I want to do it is explore a new source of power.  None of you high and mighty wizards will dare look past what fits your narrow view of things.  It's either your way or it's Dark Magic.  But there is so much we don't know about our magical gifts.  Look at Harry!  What he has is so special no one has ever seen the likes of it before.  And yet you don't bother to stretch his gift and learn from it.  He has the power to be great and you just let him rot behind your little spellbooks and toy cauldrons.  I'm sick of rotting, Black!  I want to reach my potential and not hinder it for some bloody rules!"

Sirius was secretly impressed with Javen's ability to sound so convincing and reasonable.  He wondered how Harry had ever managed to ignore Javen's logical arguments for so long.  No wonder the Ministry didn't find it in their hearts to snap his wand.  And he could see how easily he and Remus were led to trust this man.  But Javen could not pull a 180-degree persona on him.  All he had to do was look at Harry to see what evil Javen possessed.

"You can't go from trying to kill me to suddenly enlist me, Javen," he laughed harshly, raising his wand as a precaution.  "This isn't reaching potential, this is bloody madness!  The only thing you're achieving is a place among the dark wizards.  Harry's potential isn't in hurting others or fulfilling your little revenge trip.  He'll become great on his own terms, not anyone else's.  And what we consider Dark isn't just what we don't understand.  It's what we know is wrong: disregard for others, lust for power, hatred… all those attributes that Voldemort has and promotes, and all that I've seen in you."  He hated having to reason with the man, but he knew they had to get out of that cavern and Javen was not going to let him out without one of them being dead.  He was blunt and insensitive to Javen's reactions at this point.  It was the only way to dissolve his twisted words and half-truths.

During this whole exchange, neither wizard dared to lower their wands or their eye contact.  They paced back and forth with Sirius standing protectively over Harry, and Javen covering the exit.

Harry had regained consciousness during the argument and lay listening to Sirius' voice reverberate throughout the cavern.  The deep voice was as soothing as a lullaby to him, as was the meaning of the words.  He smiled to himself as Javen was revealed for what he was: evil.  It felt good to finally hear the truth as the last shreds of doubt washed away.  He found it hard to move at all whether it was from the abuse or some traces of Javen still in his mind.

Javen let loose some more hexes Sirius' way, which were reflected and hit the rocks above the dark wizard's head.  The cavern shook and trembled, sending some more debris falling around their exhausted bodies.  Sirius covered Harry to protect him.  He looked up at Javen who had momentarily lost his balance.

"Time's up, Javen," he called, moving to scoop up Harry, "We're leaving.  Come with us."

"You're not going anywhere!" Javen screamed, jumping between Sirius and the exit.  He held his wand so tightly, Sirius thought it would snap on its own any minute.

"Are you bloody crazy?" Sirius yelled, blocking more hexes, "The cavern will collapse on us any minute.  We have to leave now!  We'll all be killed!"

"Then we'll die!" Javen laughed, his eyes gleaming with his near-insanity, "If what you say is true, then I don't have anything to lose anyway."

More rocks fell, throwing Javen out of sight.  Sirius dove on top of Harry again, bracing himself against the onslaught of the sharp debris.  When he looked through the dust, he couldn't see Javen anymore.  All he saw was the light of the exit, so close and yet so far.

He looked down at Harry who, he was pleased to note, was still alive and awake.  "Are you alright, Harry?  Can you walk?"

The boy nodded once and put his wand in his belt.  Rolling over on his stomach, he tried to get up on all fours.  He had just struggled to his knees when his poor body couldn't take it anymore.  The days of starvation and abuse had taken its toll on him and he felt his head go light and he became vaguely aware of the rocky ground rising to meet him.  Sirius caught him before he hit, however, and scooped the boy up as though he weighed nothing.  Perhaps he did.

"I'm sorry, Sirius," he whispered to his savior who gave him a gentle squeeze.

"It's all right, Harry," he responded, "We're leaving now."

All of a sudden, something large and heavy smashed into Sirius.  It was Javen.  He had lured Sirius into a false sense of security so he could strike with more efficiency.  Sirius fell hard, throwing Harry nearly 5 feet with the force of the blow.

Javen kicked Sirius hard in the side, temporarily paralyzing him.  Then he raised his wand like he had with Harry only minutes before.  Only this time, it was Sirius' life he sought to take.  "If we're all going to die here anyway," he smiled, "I may at least gain the pleasure of seeing you go first."

Harry watched in horror as Javen raised his wand against Sirius.  Time crawled nearly to a halt and focused only on the wand and its target.  Something burned inside Harry.  Some strange hidden power that Javen had not been able to tap and harm.  The dark wizard wouldn't have understood this power even if he had found it.  He embraced it, for he knew it was good and strong.  It was what gave a mother the strength to lift a car to save her trapped children.  It was what gave a man the courage to run into a burning building for his friends.  It was a power born out of deep caring and love.

Reaching for the nearest fist-sized rock, Harry aimed it for Javen's wand.  His aim was true and the Avada Kedavra was not completed, the curse dying on Javen's lips.  He was stunned for a moment with surprise, searching for the source of the disturbance.  It was all the time Harry needed.  His own wand forgotten, Harry leaped for Javen, throwing him away from the gasping Sirius.  They rolled over various rocks and other debris, but neither person seemed to care.  Harry would not let one more person die for him.  It was time he fought his own battles.

Javen tried to get his hands around the boy's throat, all the while trying to get a hold of his mind again.  But Harry was not behaving like he was used to, and the mind control became obsolete.  Harry, in turn, refused to succumb to the darkness of Javen's mind and physically fought against the man just as hard.  Curling up his legs, he kicked out as hard as he could, throwing Javen off of him.

Javen was knocked back several feet into a wall, causing a new wave of boulders to come crashing down.  He gave one last howl of rage before being buried underneath it all.  Harry squeezed his eyes shut to block out the image, but was unable to block out the screams in his ears and mind as Javen died.  Then, as suddenly as they had begun, the voices in his head were finally silenced.  His mind was once again his own.  He was free, and he was unbroken.

He hadn't noticed that Sirius managed to fight his way to his side, until he felt the man's hand on his shoulder.  He looked up to see his true guardian smiling warmly.  His shoulders were slumped with fatigue and pain.  His rich dark hair lay limp and unkempt.  The lines on his face seemed deeper, brought on with worry for his wayward charge.  But his bright sapphire eyes shown with all the pride, love, and worry that he had for the boy.

The cavern shook again ominously, breaking the companionable silence between the two.  Sirius led the way out of the cavern as it gave its final death throws and collapsing on itself.  They just managed to escape before everything was destroyed.  Javen's body would be unrecoverable.

Just as they left the caverns, so did Harry's strength that had saved Sirius' life.  The effects of the severed Contiosa Botaya finally got to him, as did the wounds inflicted upon him.  The world around him turned a hazy red and black as he rocked on his feet.  The last thing he saw before blacking out, was Sirius' worried face as he caught him.

Review Time!

Larissa Hahn:  Thanks!  I do what I can ^_^

ParanoiIn2005:  Hehe you got more than a hug, check my A/N at the beginning of the chapter.  Novellas are fine, I happen to do the same thing.  I love to ramble in case you couldn't tell ^_^.  That's weird cause the line that you found awkward actually was part of the second cut.  Originally, it wasn't a part of the story.  I'll try to keep that in mind and check for correct 'flowage' of my sentences.  And I'll try to keep my time frames better labeled.  Thanks for your review and I hope I continue to see you on my review board J.

Jen: Here it is!

Siri Kat:  Oh I don't think Fudge is heartless at all.  I think he's a corrupt politician, but I'm against anyone being portrayed as being 'the bad guy' or 'the good guy'.  Even Javen is a victim if you look at it another way.  The thing with Fudge is that he can't just think with his heart.  He has the rest of the country to think about and if he does something incorrectly, than it can be seen as very bad.  He honestly didn't think that Javen would do something like this or he would have done something.  He didn't want anyone to think that he was gaining up on Javen, because Javen came from a well-off family and families like that tend to stick together.  Fudge could have been ruined if he went for an overkill on a situation.  And remember, that part of chapter 7 was seen mostly from the perspective of Remus and Sirius who both walked in not liking Fudge.  So that's how I worded it; with them thinking worse of him than he is.

Kagome, Rose, Black:  Oh, I loved your quotes, where did you get them?! I recognize the ones from CoS, but not the others.  And I'd love to review your story.  You're lucky I'm on an Inu-kick right now ^_^.  My best friend from high school has some Inu stories.  Her name is Cattico so if you check out her stories, drop a line.  She's very friendly and rarely bites ^_~.

Hi: Hi!  And what part is that?  Hehe, they're a coming I promise!

Norma:  I'm sorry you had to wait.  But here 'tis!  Enjoy!

Schnickledooger:  ^_^ Oh shush you!  I'm going as fast as college will let me.  Now what fun is letting the pup out of the bag too early, eh?  Besides, I think it's better if Harry doesn't know till this chappie anyway.  That way Javen doesn't suspect anything.  If he knew Sirius was still alive, don't you think he'd be even harder to find?  ^_^ You wanna see heartless? How about I don't update until next semester?  After all, I could be studying right now.

Chibi-Ravenclaw:  O_O  Wow, when you put it that way, I have no choice.  I haven't lost a reader to death yet and I don't intend to start.  So here ya go, mon ami!


	9. To You I Bestow

A/N:  Hey guys! I have finals coming up in a week and a half so I'll try to get the last part up before then, but no promises.  This is, at least, one step closer.  This chapter is dedicated to Katie who has been waiting for this chapter for a while.  Oh, and I added a few new things if anyone remembers the stuff that was there before.  Look for it!  And please read 'Perfect Love… Gone Wrong.'  I know this is a shameless plug, but I really would like some opinions about it since it's so… unusual.  *sigh*  Well, anyway, here's the fluff that has been rather overdue.

Part 9: To You I Bestow

The next thing Harry was aware of was warmth.  Wherever he was, it was warm and comforting.  Not the searing pain that Javen had kept him in.  He could feel tightness around his wounded areas, and soothing salves on his face, hands, and back where he had been beaten the worst.  Was he dreaming?  Was he really free?  It had seemed so real.  Sirius… he could hear his voice speaking quietly to someone.  It was no dream!  Sirius was really alive!

He forced his eyes to open; even his eyelids hurt!  But he didn't care.  His heart had stopped breaking the moment he remembered what happened.  There was nothing that could stop the smile that spread across his face.  But the pain was not all gone, so he was forced to minimize it.  Sirius grinned for him.

"Morning, Harry," he said softly.  His eyes had bags underneath him and Harry doubted whether he had slept at all since the fight in the cavern.

"Morning," he replied just as softly.  He looked around, "Where am I?"

"St. Mungo's," Sirius responded, "You've been asleep for 2 days."

"Really?  And Javen is really gone?"

Sirius' happy expression died, "Yes.  That's why you were out for so long.  The doctors suspect that you two had a connection of some sort.  A connection that threatened to kill you when Javen died."  The last sentence seemed more like a question.  

"Contiosa Botaya," whispered Harry, "He had complete access to my mind… I thought it was normal for families to do that… He said it would do no harm… "

"No, Harry," Sirius soothed, "Don't be upset.  He deceived us all.  You had no way of knowing."  He traced one of Harry's facial welts carefully and Harry could swear he saw tears shining in the man's normally bright sapphire eyes.

"Did the doctors look at you, too?" asked Harry, noting Sirius' bruises.

"I'm fine," Sirius said absently.  He tried to smile through the tears in his eyes. "You should stop your habit of worrying about me.  You're all that's important right now."

Harry flinched underneath Sirius' gentle hand at those words.  Sirius guessed it was because of all the pain that he must be going through.  He had been abused in so many ways and on so many levels… how could he earn the boy's trust after this?

"I'm so sorry this had to happen to you," he said, pleading with him. "And I promise that I will never ever hurt you.  You have no reason to be afraid.  I promise that I will never make you cry."

Harry alleviated his fears at once, "I'm not afraid of you, Sirius.  You're the only one I want for a father.  No one else.  Even before Javen hurt me, I thought of you whenever I called him 'Father'.  I know you would never hurt me.  It's just… "

"I know.  You've been hurt and it will take time to heal… "

"No, you don't understand!  It's me.  When I was with Javen… I did things and I felt things… "

"You're worried that you've become tainted by Dark Magic in some way?" Sirius asked, realizing where Harry's fears came from.  The boy nodded, refusing to look him in the eyes.  Sirius shook his head, taking Harry's hand gently.

"If you were already so into the Dark Arts, how could you have fought against it and endured so much for the Light's sake?"  He could feel the moment Harry's mind was set to rest as he relaxed in his white bed.

Watching the conversation quietly was Remus.  He had entered the room when he heard Harry stirring.  Sirius now looked over to him; he had known him too long not to know when he was there.

"Hey, Moony," he greeted, trying to hide the tears in his eyes.  Remus likewise pretended not to notice.

"Hey yourself, Padfoot.  Are you feeling any better, Harry?"

"Yes," Harry could honestly answer.  Not all of his wounds could be cured with simple magic; it would take time, but he was definitely in better condition.  And he could already feel his mind righting itself after being invaded for so long.

"Remus was a great help in finding you," Sirius explained to him, "He was very patient with me and helped me focus.  Silver veins surrounded the cave you were in, so Remus went back for help.  He brought you here himself.  If I had tried to bring you, I would have splinched us.  I wasn't quite in the proper mental state at the time to Apparate anyone."

Remus nodded to confirm the abridged story.  Sirius was in quite a state when he found him.  No one knew whether Harry was dead or alive, and Remus suffered a bit of damage when he ignored the silver ores to console his friend.  Hit-wizards had already surrounded the area and were digging through the wreckage to find any sign of Javen.  Two days later, they were no closer to finding the body.  He was glad to note that Padfoot was back to his normal, if not improved, self.  And he could see warmth already returning to Harry's eyes.

"As your godfather once more," Remus said, "I tried to stop them from disturbing you so you could rest, but they were quite insistent."

"Who?" asked Harry.  Remus stepped aside to reveal the forms of Hermione and nearly the entire Weasley family, nearly all of who were in various states of distress.  Hermione had bright red eyes as though she had just stopped crying.  She and the others burst through the room, nearly knocking down the werewolf in the process.

"When I got the owl from Ron saying that you and Sirius… " Hermione began before choking up.  Ron took over for her as she got a hold of herself.

"Bloody Merlin, Harry," he sighed, white and shaking slightly.  "How many of these stunts are you going to pull on us?"

Both Sirius and Hermione shot him 'Be-More-Sensitive-To-The-Poor-Boy' looks, but Harry laughed softly.

"Hopefully this is the last time, Ron."

"Well take me along next time," he returned, not looking as though he was especially up to the idea, "Just for back up."

"Will do."

Fred and George pushed through their brother, each carrying various items.

"Glad to see you feeling better," Fred said matter-of-factly, laying down heaps of things for him on a nearby chair.  George did the same.  They appeared to be the calmest of their family.  Their simple nonchalance about the whole thing further relaxed Harry who shot them grateful looks.  They weren't half as oblivious as they appeared to be.  George smiled with understanding in his eyes and winked.  
  
"Yeah.  You really gave us a good scare back there."  Sirius looked at him incredulously.

"He gave YOU a good scare?" he asked.  George shrugged.

"Anyway, we managed to come up with a bunch of goodies to speed up recovery.  We have a… let's see… a few fake wands, canary custards, Every Flavor Beans, chocolate frogs, tons of get well cards from various people… heck, everything.  And when school starts up, we'll even send you a toilet seat."

"Honestly George," huffed Mrs. Weasley.  He grinned at her.

"Just trying to cheer him up."  Harry interrupted before an argument broke out.

"I'm going back to school?" he asked.

"Of course you are," Sirius said, "But not until you're entirely well.  I'm not sending you to school if you're still hurt."

"I'm sure he'll be fine in time for school," assured Remus from his standing position against the wall.  Sirius shrugged at that.

"Maybe, maybe not."

"Oh, look!" George said to Harry, still poking through the piles of things, "Hagrid sent you some of his rock cakes… " he continued rummaging through it all.

"How did you get here, Hermione?" asked Harry.  She had still not completely gotten control of herself and was sniffing in-between words.

"You were on the Muggle news.  They said it was a gas explosion.  When Fudge told everyone that you and Sirius were killed, Ron sent an owl to tell me what really happened.  My parents allowed the Weasleys to come and get me for the… the funerals.  I decided to stay over for the summer holidays.  We didn't hear you were alive until an hour ago."  She sniffed again loudly.  Well, that explained why she was nearly in hysterics, which was not like her at all.  "What happened to you, Harry?"

Sirius held up his hand to prevent his godson's answer, "Later, Hermione.  He just woke up.  He needs rest."

"Unfortunately, my boy," a new voice said, "I must know what happened now."

Dumbledore made his way through the sea of red-haired Weasleys.  He looked as sad and weary as when Harry came to his office after the third task of the Tri-Wizard Tournament.  Harry didn't want to relive the events of the previous weeks any sooner than he had to.  He was just glad to be alive and to have Sirius to celebrate that fact with.  Why was the past so important?

"Dumbledore…" began Sirius seeing the look on Harry's face, but the Headmaster shot him a look that quieted him.

"This is important, Sirius.  An Auror is missing and there was a large amount of Dark Magic found in Harry's wand.  I must know what happened.  This cannot wait."  His gaze softened, "I'm sorry, Harry."

The boy nodded, lying back in his cot.  He requested that the Weasleys, Remus, Sirius, and Hermione stay if they wanted to hear it.  He was not up to repeating the story over and over.  The sooner the story was told, the sooner he could get past it.

Taking a deep breath, Harry began to tell what happened from the day Manticore's Den was attacked until he collapsed in Sirius' arms.  Some parts were harder to tell than others, and when the time came to explain the disappearance of Auror Granby, he nearly stopped altogether.  With some silent coaxing from Sirius and the others, he was able to get the fact across that he murdered the young Auror.  No one said a word to this, as they were silent throughout the story, but he could sense that they pitied him and did not blame him for the death.  

Normally he would hate the pity, but it didn't matter what they thought of him now.  He would never forgive himself for the murder, as he would never forgive half the things he did with Javen.  He explained the Contiosa Botaya and how Javen controlled his thoughts and actions so subtly, he first thought it was of his own will.  He described his first experience with the flexi steel ribbing, and how he was forbidden to think of Sirius who was constantly plaguing Harry's thoughts.  

When he reached the part with Sirius' brush with death and Javen's own, he stopped altogether.  The wounds were still fresh and he did not want everyone to see him crying like a child.  Despite what Javen did or what he would have done to Sirius, he had killed a second time in cold blood.  There was no control over Harry that time.  How could the Ministry ever look past this?  He would go to Azkaban like he thought…

"I have said this before and I will do so again," Dumbledore said soberly, seeing the boy would not continue.  "You have a courage I have rarely seen the likes of, even among full grown wizards.  Your parents and Sirius should be proud."  Sirius nodded in agreement, the sight of the boy's bowed head unsettling him.  He previous words of comfort did not seem to have helped as much as he thought.

Harry looked up from his gaze on his bandaged hands with eyes that were wide and frightened again.  He looked haunted and his two friends had to hold back a gasp at the sight. "B-but I killed two people.  This isn't like last time at the Tournament.  I had complete control of what happened this time.  I had a choice and I chose to kill."  His voice began to crack with sorrow and remorse.

Hermione shook her head, a few tears escaping.  "Javen forced you to do that.  He controlled you because he knew you wouldn't kill the Auror.  And he was going to kill you and Sirius.  You did the right thing."

"Harry," Dumbledore said fiercely, willing him to understand, "No one blames you for what happened.  It-was-not-your-fault.  The Ministry just wants to know what exactly happened.  They've already agreed to place all blame on Javen."

"That's not the point!" Harry exclaimed, startling everyone, "I don't care what the Ministry says!  I killed two men and I performed Dark Magic.  I put everyone at risk and I cannot look past that no matter what you or anyone says.  I shouldn't be commended, I should be locked up."  He stared hard at the Headmaster, not noticing or caring about the tears that flowed down his bandaged face.  

When Dumbledore did not lose eye contact, Harry felt all of his strength leaving him.  All the pain of the past weeks rushed back to him and he fell back, sobbing quietly.  He shut his eyes and turned his head from the multitude of concerned faces around him.  He could feel Sirius read out to hold him close, insisting that it was not his fault.  He did not have the will or strength to respond at all.

Noises blurred together as the Weasleys and Hermione left the room, ushered out by Dumbledore.  Soon, there was only he, Remus, and Sirius in the room with Harry.

"I'm sorry," Harry said in Sirius' embrace.  "I'm so sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for," whispered Sirius, "You know that.  You just need time."

Remus stepped forward carefully.  Watching Harry's actions up till now was painful.  He had thought the boy was almost fully recovered when he woke up.  But now it was all settling in.  His healing was barely beginning.  This was a terrible ordeal for a boy to deal with, even without his troubled past.

"I would like to talk to Harry myself," he announced to Dumbledore.  Sirius looked up, his pained expression turning in confusion.

"Why?" he asked.  Remus shook his head.

"Trust me, Padfoot.  Headmaster?"  He turned to Dumbledore imploringly.  The aged wizard nodded.

"Take all the time you need, Remus," he said, "I'll tell the nurses to leave you two in peace."  He paused and spoke quietly so only Remus could hear, "I did not do this to hurt him, Remus.  Denying what happened could be more dangerous than we know."  With that, he turned and walked out the door where the Weasleys waited.

Remus put a hand on Sirius' shoulder.  He was startled to discover that Sirius flinched at his touch as though he had been struck.  This must be more painful for Sirius than he first thought.

"Please, Padfoot," he murmured.  "I won't be long."

Reluctantly, the man nodded and released Harry back onto the cot.  Without a backward glance, he strode out of the room to join the rest of Harry's visitors in the lobby.

Remus shut the door and locked it before returning to Harry.  He sat in Sirius' chair and looked down at the boy.  Harry stared back, obviously wondering what Remus had to say that he could not say in front of the Headmaster and his best friend.  The tears were not all gone, but the sobbing had ceased.  If it weren't for his expressive emerald eyes and the tears running down his cheeks, the perceptive werewolf might even be fooled to think nothing was wrong at all.  He was quick in controlling his emotions so no one could see.  Where had he gotten that, Remus mused?  James and Lily were always so straightforward with what they were feeling.  If there was a problem, they would tell you.  Living with those Muggles must have brought that trait out of Harry.

"Harry," Remus started quietly, "I'm not going to pretend that nothing happened, nor am I going to pretend that it will all be better tomorrow.  I can repeat that you are not at fault until the last full moon, but only you can accept it.  So I won't try until you are ready to listen.  What Javen did to you in inexcusable."  He held up his hand to stop Harry's words of protest, "Listen to me, Harry.  You trusted him to tell you the truth and take care of you.  He used and violated that trust for his own needs.  He was an angry orphan who didn't care who he hurt to get revenge on Voldemort.  He was evil."

"I know he was evil," Harry said softly, "And I know that what he did to me was wrong.  I'm not saying that I'm at fault for his actions… "

"Then tell me exactly what you are saying."  Remus was grateful that they were having a considerably calmer session than what had been occurring before.

"Remus, I killed the Auror.  And I killed Javen.  How is that forgivable?  How can the others look past that?"

"Harry look at me.  Please, little one, look at me."  At the tender endearment, Harry had no choice but to look up into the gentle gray-blue eyes.

"Really look at me.  I'm a monster, Harry.  I don't belong among humans.  What everyone else says is true; I'm a filthy half-breed mutt.  I'm a danger to you at this very moment.  You think my wolf instincts go away with the full moon?  That's the thing, Harry, I'm not a wolf part-time.  The only thing that changes is my body and the enhancement of urges that already exist.  But do you fear me?  Do Sirius and Dumbledore shun me because I'm a monster?"

"You're not a monster, Remus!  It's not your fault that you are a werewolf and it doesn't matter to us that you are."

"I could kill you if I transformed without a Wolfsbane Potion.  I could kill you now if I let my instincts take over.  Yet you and the others don't fear me or shun me.  Why?"

"You aren't in control when you let the wolf take over.  The wolf wants to hurt me, but Remus doesn't."  Remus smiled at the firm conviction in the boy's voice.

"As also you were controlled by Javen through mental and physical manipulations.  It is no different that I am overcome by the wolf and you by Javen's spell.  When you described the power rushes you got during the fight, we can be sure that it was he channeling his aggression to you.  You used a Stunning spell on the Auror even though you felt your life was in danger.  This shows your respect for life and great control over aggression and anger.  That is commendable.  What happened was an accident.  It could have happened to anyone if the person fell back the wrong way.  Do you follow me?"

Harry lowered his eyes and grumbled the affirmative.  Remus felt this was better than nothing, so he continued.  "Right now Dumbledore is giving the coordinates you gave us to the hit-wizards so the Auror can be found.  His family will be grateful to you for giving them his body for a proper burial."  He took a deep breath and moved on to the other major thing that was on Harry's conscience.  "And now for Javen's death itself… Harry, how can you not believe it to be self-defense?  That's what I don't understand."

Harry shook his head, "I was angry, I guess.  I wanted to get him back for what he did to me and what he did to Sirius… I killed him in hatred."

"Look back to that moment carefully, Harry.  From what Sirius told us and from the story you told us, you were very clear-headed then.  There was no anger or fear…"

"There was fear," the boy interrupted, "I was afraid; not of Javen, but… "

"For Sirius," Remus finished.  He nodded.

"I didn't want him to be hurt.  So many people have died and gotten hurt for me, Remus… I just want it all to stop.  I don't want you or Sirius or my friends to be hurt for my sake.  I already have Cedric and my parents' deaths on my hands; I don't want any more.  But it's always happening and I can't stop it.  I can't lose anyone else.  If one more person dies for me… I don't know what I'll do."  His soft green eyes were filled with silent pleas as he spoke to Remus.

The gentle werewolf was touched.  He always knew what a kind, loving person Harry was.  But he didn't know how much until then.  His heart twisted at the thought of such a boy being hurt so much in his short lifetime.  

"That's what Javen could not and would not understand, Harry," Remus said, finding control of his voice, "He had forgotten what it was like to love another human being.  What you did was not out of anger or evil, Harry.  It was out of love.  You love Sirius and it was through your own strength that you saved him for the second time.  He'll never forget that for as long as he lives.  He loves you so much, Harry.  And it hurts him to see you in pain.  It hurts me as well.  How can I convince you that you are as innocent as you ever were?  You have nothing to be forgiven for.  All you need is to forgive yourself."  He watched the inner battle that was occurring behind Harry's eyes.  He saw him tumble his words around in his mind; trying out the sound of them.  Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he gave the slightest nod.  Remus let out the breath he hadn't known he was holding.  He stood up.

"Dumbledore was right.  You are the bravest boy I know.  And it'll take more than death to keep us apart from you.  Shall I send in Sirius now, or do you want to rest?"

"Could you send him in?"  Harry mentally cringed at how much he sounded like a little child when he said that.  The truth was he just wanted to keep him in his sight to be sure he was real.  Remus nodded and moved to open the door.

"Remus?"

Remus turned around, "Yes, Harry?"

Harry didn't know how to express his gratitude to Moony properly.  So he settled for the simple, knowing that Remus would know what he meant.  "Thanks."

The werewolf smiled at the boy.  Indeed, he did look better.  As though a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders.  Simple words were not enough to chase away all of Harry's ghosts, but he could now begin to heal both inside and out.

"You're welcome."

Review Time!

Larissa:  I totally agree!  I do wish they had more father/son moments in the 5th book.  *sigh*  Can't have everything I guess.

Mr. Happy Java Man:  Hi!  I love your user name btw ^_^  I never could resist Bambi eyes.  So here it is!

ParanoiaIn2005:  Thanks for your critique, I really do appreciate it.  I hope 'Perfect Love…' is to your approval.  I know it's weird and I saw your review for it, but I probably should have asked if you wanted it first ^_^.  It's kinda strange to be able to say to your friends 'Hey guys!  Guess what?!  Some crazy chica dedicated this story to me, and it's about a guy who's practically in love with his bike and he's jealous of his best friend, and… "  So yeah, if you want something different, don't be afraid to tell me.  As you can tell, it's rather late right now for me too J

ShardWing:  Well hi!  Glad you told me who you were or I'd be confused ^_^ It happens easily.  I never heard the term BUMP.  I'll have to use it now… Anywho, I hope you enjoy this chapter.  Harry is found, nearly all is well.

Katie:  Thanks!  As you can see in my A/N, this chappie is for you.  I know you wanted the fluff.  I also added some more if you can catch it ^_^

Nuwie:  I don't know, cause then wouldn't there be a lot of people who are abnormal like that.  I don't harass the characters I hate half as much as the ones I love.  *hugs poor abused Harry and Sirius*  Oh, I'm glad we agree on so many things.  What exactly are your views on things?  Just curious.  I'm actually writing a new story, it's a one-shot, about Remus.  It's called 'Separate and Superior.'  Kind of hard to explain, but I feel it could use a beta who feels they know his character.  Are you interested?  You don't even have to beta it.  You could just tell me if it's any good before I post it.  And I totally agree about the 5th book.  I thought it was totally believable.  Hope to hear more from you!

Schnickledooger:  No, no, keep harassing me.  It keeps me on my toes ^_^  You think I let Javen off too easily?  *whispers* read the sequel to this when the last chapter of 'Say Goodnight' is up.  Trust me ^_~ 

Siri Kat:  Too much action you think?  Sorry!  But I think it needed to be done.  I hate writing action scenes and I'm bloody awful at it, as you can tell.  And I am very tempted to re-do the sequel, especially since I can barely read it without cringing, but don't have the motivation to.  The only reason I'm re-doing this one is 'cause it was taken down and since I was reposting it I may as well edit it too.  Do you think I should?


	10. Epilogue: Say Goodnight Not Goodbye

A/N:  Here it is, the last chapter at last!  Well, more like an epilogue really, but it works.  Now that this is over, I plan to go over Crushed Velvet and re-do some things that I think need work.  Some changes will be small and some large so stay tuned.  I'm not sure if ff.net considers replacing chapters as updated, so for those who want to follow my updated version, keep checking.  I'll leave a note at the beginning of each chapter to let you know that it is the updated version.  I have a few new things in the works that should be up in the future… um, 2 one-shots, a collaboration with Relle, and a new bunny that just bit me Saturday.

I have a new story in the works, a one-shot, by the name of 'Separate and Superior.'  It's about Remus.  It's a little unusual and I need some help in tweaking it.  I'm looking for anyone, more than one person preferably, to just read it and tell me their impressions on it.  If you think you have a good idea of who and what Remus is, and what makes him tick, let me know and I'll send a copy.  It's not totally done yet, but it should be finished any day now.  You can request a finished version or whatever I have now.  Thank you!

And, of course, a special thanks to everyone who read and reviewed!  Your comments really do help, so keep up with the great work!  I couldn't have done it without you!

Part 10: Epilogue: Say Goodnight, Not Goodbye

"…And I want you to report to Madam Pomfrey the moment you arrive," Sirius continued, helping Harry load his things onto the train.  "I promised her that you would."

"Yes, Sir," Harry repeated for the hundredth time that hour.  He couldn't help but think that Sirius was acting like a fussy, overprotective mother that would put Mrs. Weasley to shame, but he didn't say anything.  He knew that Sirius was only concerned for him… although for what, he couldn't imagine.  His minor injuries were completely healed, and the more serious ones were nothing but nagging reminders now.  He no longer flinched every time someone other than Sirius or Remus touched him either.  He was now taking this better than Sirius in his opinion.

"Lay down if you feel unwell.  And you'll owl me if there's a problem, right?"  Harry gave him a patronizing look.  Sirius' black eyebrows shot up at that.  "What?"

"I'll… be… fine… Sirius," Harry said slowly and carefully so Sirius couldn't claim sudden deafness.  "I'm not going to break.  There's no place safer than at Hogwarts.  The most trouble you'll hear about is me throwing Filibuster Fireworks into Ferret Boy's cauldron."  

Sirius decided that now was not the time to remind Harry of all the times that he almost didn't come home from Hogwarts.  Contrary to popular belief, Harry could manage to find danger in the safest places.  He put his hands on his hips and tried to look indignant.

"If you get through a year without having a near death experience, it'll be too soon.  Just take care of yourself, all right?  I'm rather fond of this parenting job."

Harry smiled at him, "So am I."

"All aboard!" the conductor called over the intercom, "The Hogwarts Express is leaving in 5 minutes."

Sirius stood back to let Harry board the train, but was surprised to be caught up in the boy's sudden embrace.  He didn't seem to care about the other students on the platform that may have been watching.

"I promise I'll be careful," Harry said quietly.  He knew he was probably too old to be acting like this, but he rationalized that he had over a decade's worth of hugs to make up for.  Sirius returned the embrace, mindful of the boy's still tender back.

"See that you are.  I'll have Hermione reporting on you."

"Well, bye then… dad."

Half afraid to see Sirius' expression to such a sacred word, Harry spun and boarded the train behind a waiting Ron and Hermione.  Behind them boarded Draco and his friends.  The young Death Eater shot a glance at Sirius, but otherwise, made a point not to notice him.  It would have been a perfect opportunity for him to jeer at Harry, but he remained silent and chose a box away from the Gryffindors.  His lackeys, Crabbe and Goyle, shared worried, but confused looks with one another at his unusual behavior.  He normally liked nothing more than to be the first to greet Harry and his friends back to school.

Sirius, meanwhile, stood there rooted to the spot for a moment, digesting what had just happened.  Had he missed something?  Where had that come from?  Had he transformed into a father and not even realized it?  He didn't know.  But that did not stop him from practically floating all the way home.  

Before leaving the platform, he caught a glimpse of the boy, his son, laughing at a joke one of his friends had made.  It felt good to see him laughing again.  It was a sight that he sorely missed over the summer during their brushes with death.  And it was something he had tried to cause every moment of their remaining summer together.

He would miss Harry over the school term, but he knew it would not be forever.  He was his forever and no one or thing would ever separate them again.  Not prison, not death, and not Snape's dreaded double Potions class.  It would take time for Harry to heal completely, and longer still until Javen no longer haunted his darkest nightmares, but the boy was strong.  Javen hadn't succeeded in breaking his spirit or his faith in the Light for which he fought alongside Dumbledore's followers.  He and Sirius were a family now.  And they had all the time in the world…

Say goodnight not good-bye

You will never leave my heart behind

Like the path of a star

I'll be anywhere you are

In the spark that lies beneath the coals

In the secret place inside your soul

Keep my light in your eyes

Say goodnight not good-bye

Don't you fear when you dream

Waking up is never what it seems

Like a jewel buried deep

Like a promise meant to keep

You are everything you want to be

So just let your heart reach out to me

I'll be right by your side

Say goodnight not good-bye

You are everything you want to be

So just let your heart reach out to me

Keep my light in your eyes

Say goodnight not good-bye

FINIS

Here are some questions I should address before I respond to reviews …

If Javen led the Death Eaters to the house, then why did they pretend to think Harry was dead?  And why would they agree to kill Sirius, but spare Harry?

They received a tip anonymously.  They entirely intended to kill Harry.  Javen took that risk because he knew Sirius long enough to know he would give his life for the boy and would see to it Harry got out.  If Sirius failed to get Harry out of the house, then Javen's plans would have been ruined.  The Death Eaters really did think Harry was dead.  Only if you looked closely, could you see the curse miss them both by inches.  So it was as much a close call for Javen as it was for everyone else.

What would Javen do when Harry had to return to school?

Javen had absolutely no intention of allowing him to return to school for obvious reasons.  He was hoping that by the time Hogwarts opened, he would have Harry molded into what he wanted him to be.  He would just say something to him that explained why Dumbledore didn't want him back and why his friends no longer wanted to have any contact with him.

Who tipped off the hit-wizards about Sirius?

Draco Malfoy sort of let it 'slip'.  He's not an angel by any means.  But he hated Wormtail with a passion and felt he could relate to Sirius' situation.  He was not so sure he had made the right decision and while he never liked Harry or Sirius very much, if at all, that didn't mean he wanted them dead.  It was a bit of repayment for Sirius' silent support and listening skills.  It was also his headstrong and rebellious nature that kicked in too.

Does that mean that Draco will be nicer to Harry and/or Sirius?

By no means.  The 'death' of his arch nemesis shook him up quite a bit.  It made him see how real and close to home this was.  He never really wanted to see anyone killed.  However, now that things are back to the way they were, he will return to his old self.  To him, Harry owes him big time for what he risked.  And come on!  Did James saving Snape affect their feelings any?  Not by a long shot.  Draco is still public enemy no. 1!

Is Javen really dead?

I'll let my sequel 'Crushed Velvet' answer this question…

Now it's review time!!

TeamExtremeGurl:  Thank you and I hope to see more from you in the future!

Larissa Hahn:  

Moonrider666:  Thank you!

ParanoiaIn2005:  Oh thank you!  I tried to get a good bit of fluff in there without driving people to the dentist's.  And thanks for your thoughts about Remus.  He and Sirius are my all-time favorite characters and the insides of their minds are oh so interesting to get into.  Yeah, Harry does seem a little young, doesn't he?  shrug  That's one of the things I hope to avoid in Crushed Velvet as I re-edit it.  If you have any suggestions for the sequel, if you see some things that should or shouldn't be in there, don't hesitate to shout out and let me know.  I'll talk to ya later!

Katie:  I'm glad you liked it!  And that's the second good comment this round that I had about my Remus.  That must mean I'm doing something right.  He's so much fun to do, and I had hoped he would turn out believable.  The adorable talk?  I'm not sure what one you're talking about.  Hopefully you found it   Your favorite part in CV is when he makes Harry cry? Oo  j/k It's a silly promise to make, isn't it?  Oh, poor impulsive Padfoot…

ShardWing:  I'll BUMP as soon as I can.  blush thanks, that's really sweet to know I have a home on your harddrive.  I do that with my fav stories too.  It's always good to have something to go back on.  Nice predictions and you're so close if it were a snake it'd jump out and bite ya!  But you'll have to read the sequel to know for sure.  See you around!

Nuwie:  big hug glad to see you!  yeah I figured you spoke French from your profile.  I can read French only a little so I'm limping my way through your story :( I know I'm missing out, but I want to read it so bad.  Yay for abnormalness! waves flag And yeah I know!  I definitely wanted more Harry/Sirius father/son moments.  But I did like how she really built up Sirius and rambled on about him at times   It's the little things that got me to grin.  I'll check my email as soon as this is posted!  And yes, of course I'm interested in you still reading my story.  'Beta' is just a term that loosely means editor, but who also helps suggest things to the author if they have thoughts or ideas.  It get the impression that you know Remus' character pretty well and it's needed for this story.  It's not so much a 'story' as… well… you'll see.

Siri Kat:  See?  I can do things quickly when I'm on a role proud grin.  Hehehe, sorry, hun, you got the bug in my ear.  Now I'm off to give the sequel the same treatment as the first I suppose I can't blame it all on you… well, yeah I can.  Most of it at least. ;)  I love writing about Remus in case you couldn't tell. : )

Talamh:  Thank you!  I don't remember seeing you around, so welcome!  Yes, the title is from a song by Beth-Nielsen Chapman.  It's a beautiful song and I highly recommend it.  You'll have to read the sequel to answer your question…


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